The Family Reunion.
Del Bosque: The warm and friendly grandpa that gives you a nickel every time he comes over and smiles like he’s being absurdly generous.
Iker Casillas: The uncle that went to war and came back a changed man so he doesn’t really talk much but when he does you stand at attention because you don’t want to get hit.
Pepe Reina: The crazy uncle on your mom’s side that drinks too much wine at dinner and will probably snore like a bear on your couch all night.
Victor Valdes: The older cousin that always brings a different girl to family events and it’s gotten to the point that no one really asks her name anymore.
Alvaro Arbeloa/Raul Albiol: Your gay cousin and his life partner that play with each other’s scarves all through dinner
Joan Capdevila: The uncle on your dad’s side that from time to time takes a leisurely toke up in the guest bathroom and comes out with a big grin and jokes.
Sergio Ramos: That second cousin you always had a crush on so you googled incest laws in your state
Gerard Piqué: The cousin they keep in the basement at family events but he doesn’t know it because they give him video games and chocolate.
Carles Puyol: The uncle that keeps Piqué in the basement.
Santi Cazorla: The one relative no one’s really sure of whose side of the family he comes from. He’s just kind of there.
Xabi Alonso: The metrosexual older cousin who always loans you books you’re never going to read.
Cesc Fabregas: The cousin you play footsie with underneath the table and then end up tipping his chair over and your parents give you dirty looks and you two just kind of laugh at each other.
Sergio Busquets: The cousin your aunt and uncle smack when he goes for the croissants. Then everyone else just starts hitting him in the back of the head so you start feeling bad for him but then you hit him too and get over it.
Andres Iniesta/Xavi Hernandez: The seasoned professors that just talk amongst themselves throughout the entire dinner but break into the conversation during dessert.
Juan Mata: Wait, whose side of the family is he on again?
David Silva: The quiet cousin you’ve always been a little frightened could be a serial murderer but you put it to the back of your mind but then he gives you that murderous look again and you’re not hungry anymore.
Jesus Navas: The bible thumping cousin that insists on saying a five minute grace and you’re just like “shut the hell up everyone is hungry.”
Pedro: The mustache of the family.
Javi Martinez/Fernando Llorente: The mischevious cousin brothers that loosen the tops on all of the condiments and put whoopie cushions on your grandpa’s chair and then give themselves away when they laugh when he says “excuse me.”
Fernando Torres: The backstabbing cousin that went to Chelsea so everyone banished him to the “”“kid’s table”“” but really he’s just eating bread crusts off of a paper plate alone in the corner.
David Villa: The weird cousin that always tried to hit on you but you were only half creeped out because the other half of you kind of liked it.