His Goodbye - 57
Heel lang hoofdstuk, maar ik vond dat ik dit niet over twee hoofdstukken kon verspreiden xx
ĎHi dear loved people. With that I mean my mom, gemma, zayn, louis, liam, niall, Ed and my other friends of course. I youíre not one of my friends of family: please give this phone to one of them. They just have to read this.
Logically, while writing this: Iím not dead. So itís possible there happened a few, or a lot things the days after this or around my death. Yesterday Gabriela Portias died. A few of you maybe never met her, and Iím sorry for that too. I loved her. I really did. And I know you guys think itíll be ridiculous to kill myself by knowing Iíll never see her again. Maybe Iíll see her in heaven, thatís where Iím hoping for. Iím sorry for leaving all of you. And yes, I know sorry isnít enough.
Dear Mom, Iím sorry. You have to know I love you so much that it hurts the most to leave you. To not grow old with you and caring about you while youíll become granny one day. Gemme will carry you through live and will love you like I did. I know sometimes sheís terrible to life with, but thatís just who she is. You know her better than I do.
Life your live to the fullest mom, and donít ever give up. You can cry about my death. I know you will. And thatís okay. I will cry and think about you too.
A lot. I will never forget you, please donít forget about me too.
Your son Harry
Dear One Direction/Best crazy friends I ever had, Iím sorry.
Iím sorry for leaving the band, for leaving the music, the fans, and you behind. But please, donít stop making music. And donít give up on the band! Even without me 1D has a further future. I just know that. If you quit now: everybody will forget us. Please tell the fans I loved them and itís really hard to think about leaving 1D. Even harder to really do it. Donít tell them it was suicide, please? Itíll break them. They arenít old enough to understand. Maybe theyíll even kill themselves for it. Thinking it was their fault, even if I never met them.
Liam, Iím sorry for being strange last time at your apartment. I think I just was looking for help, but also didnít want it. Iím a difficult person. You remember the time when you asked me if I wanted kids? I said I did. But Iíll never have them. The docters thought Gab was prengant, but the baby died with her. I donít even know why I didnít wanna see her after knowing she died. I was just scared I think. Scared of seeing the girl I loved the most, dead. Would you wanna see Dan if she died?
I donít think you would. But Dan and you will live a happy life together. I know that. And if you quit on music, please become a runner. Run as long as you can and win the prises you deserve. Youíre good at it and I know you love it.
Zayn, Iím sorry for never wanna tell you what was wrong. You always asked me with you serious-face what was wrong when I was down. But I never told you. I always said I was fine, and walked to Lou for hugs. Iím sorry. Maybe I had to hug you. Not to make me feel better, but to make you feel better. Make you feel you still was a best friend of me. I still loved you as much as I loved the others. I havenít hugged you enough. Perrie has to do that now.
But thatís okay. Sheíll give you the best hugs in the world and youíll love it.
Zayn, please if you ever stop singing (something you just canít do, but still-) please, please, become an English teacher like you always wanted. Or if you wanna do something else really badly now, just do it. Go for it and donít let anyone hold you back. I heard you talked about a club or something onceÖ Well, open a club when you think itís the right time for it.
Louis, I think saying sorry to you, wouldnít make any sence. Youíll be mad at me the first months. Or maybe even years. But youíll get through.
Be mad at me for leaving, for loving Gabriela too much. Or just be mad at me because you want to. Because you need it. I know you need it. Just jell at me like when you did if I did something really stupidÖ Without you. Yell at me like you did when I forgot to tell you something important. But laugh about the things we did together. Laugh about the fun times and the tragic ones. Think about me like you always did. Like when you texted me in the middle of the night saying you couldnít sleep. Iíll think of you. I even made an app for you. I tested it, and it works! The app will make me unfortunate if I put it on 10 years 24/7 or something. Iíll put it on before Iíll get in my car. If it doesnít work, then thatís too sad. It took my days to make it.
I think you have to know that the day I met you at the xfactor, I liked you a lot. And for the first whole year I had a crush on you. But thatís okay. Youíre my best friend now and youíll always be.
Niall, oh Nialler. I donít really know what to say to you. Iím speechless. I have no idea how I could let you go, just like with everybody else. But with you itís a bit different. I donít know if you can make the right decisions alone. We used to care about each other and look out for each other. Not because there was need for, but because we wanted to. Because we were like brothers. We didnít really talked much, more just jokes we shared. We had the same sence of humor, remember? And everytime we laughed about something we thought that was funny, no-one understood.
Good times Niall, good times. Memories to remember I guess.
You have to take care of yourself now Nialler, or ask Zayn. Heís good at things like that.
Edward, Iím sorry. You remember why I always used to call you Edward, and not Ed? Because Edward is my second name and I think youíre the second me. We donít look like each other at all. But we share the love of music and tattooís. We share the love for Moments, a song I really appreciate now.
If you ever miss me, look at the penguin on your arm and know Iíll always have my penguin too. Penguin brothers forever right?
Gemma, my dear loved sister, Iím sorry for borrowing your pants when I couldnít find mine. Youíll be mad at me, just like Louis. Please donít react it on the others, itís not their fault. I love you, take care of mom. You know where to find my dairy, you can have it if you want. Oh, and James told me to tell you he likes you and wants to go out with you. I told you there are boys who like you (: Keep calm and stay you Gem, go to America like you always wanted.
Guys, this is my goodbye to you. Itís strange, but Iím just afraid that when Iíll do it in person, Iíll fail in my suicide. Wauw that actually does sound depri. Iím so sorry to you all. I love you and I miss you.
Lots of love,
Harry Edward Styles
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