as often as possible the reason
I can't help but feel your warmth,
your presence, you
and I need to
remind myself once again.
That this is not for me,
nor is it for you,
yet this is
what we do?
And I blame myself every night,
but especially you
that I do once again what I reminded myself
really not to do.
Your stupid face, knowing smirk
I just really want to scowl at
yet I return a smile and
I know you, I, us, is bad.
I know it's not only your fault,
I understand it's also mine
but when I kiss your lips once again I feel drunk
as they work like wine.
I want, I know this needs to stop
until we've both figured it out
but when I try to tell you
I don't even know what I'm talking about
A circle is the figure we're going in
never ending, always going on
I tell myself to cut an end
but, but I feel confusedly born.
Clamping at you, yet
at the same time not
screaming and crying
inside my unsure head, wanting you
to comfort me but
everything's just too bad.
I keep reminding myself
but it never ends
I want you and I want us done
and then I don't know when we're holding hands.
Heart against head
feelings against mind
and I don't know which one to choose
everything is too bad
or I am too blind.
I'd rather let you choose but
you're even more fragile than I am
So we just go on
wandering away and
around each other
and not a single thing is chosen.
You just happen.