Foto bij Dear diary

I try to remind myself
as often as possible the reason
but how?

I can't help but feel your warmth,
your presence, you
and I need to
remind myself once again.

That this is not for me,
nor is it for you,
yet this is
what we do?

And I blame myself every night,
but especially you
that I do once again what I reminded myself
really not to do.

Your stupid face, knowing smirk
I just really want to scowl at
yet I return a smile and
I know you, I, us, is bad.

I know it's not only your fault,
I understand it's also mine
but when I kiss your lips once again I feel drunk
as they work like wine.

I want, I know this needs to stop
until we've both figured it out
but when I try to tell you
I don't even know what I'm talking about

A circle is the figure we're going in
never ending, always going on
I tell myself to cut an end
but, but I feel confusedly born.

Clamping at you, yet
at the same time not
screaming and crying
inside my unsure head, wanting you
to comfort me but
everything's just too bad.

I keep reminding myself
but it never ends
I want you and I want us done
and then I don't know when we're holding hands.

Heart against head
feelings against mind
and I don't know which one to choose
everything is too bad
or I am too blind.

I'd rather let you choose but
you're even more fragile than I am

So we just go on
wandering away and
around each other
and not a single thing is chosen.

You just happen.

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