Foto bij Epilogue — Follow the sun

I used to think that I knew what Amber meant when she told me that people love each other in different ways. It turns out, that I didn't. I realized that when Sooyeon had her hand clasped around Amber's throat, slowly squeezing more and more until my girlfriend made choking sounds, in desperate need for air.
At that moment, I hated her. I thought that she didn't love me at all. But that wasn't true. I only realized that after the moment she broke down. Even though her love might be the product of something entirely else than lust, raw pure love, like it was the case with Amber. Sooyeon was desperate to be left again, and I was the person who prevented her from being alone. For a person who has nothing but her sister, it must've felt like a slap in the face when I left her for Amber.

I didn't regret leaving her for Amber. The short-haired girl was someone who brightened up my life in the darkest of times. She was there when I cried and when I felt happy, in good and in bad. She was the first human who wasn't scared of my appearance, but intrigued. She was interested and wanted to help me, when no one else would. Sooyeon wasn't a person who helped one if they felt bad. Amber, on the other hand, would go overboard if she came to know that I felt bad. Perhaps it was the feeling of being completely dependent of someone that made me fall in love with her. To know that Amber wanted me with every vessel in her body was such a nice feeling that I couldn't refuse.
The love Sooyeon had shown me over the years seemed nothing in what Amber could make me feel. She made me feel alive and for a long time, my mind was clouded with my love for Amber. I couldn't think of anyone else.
When I look back upon it, I feel sorry for my sister for the way I treated her. My feelings won't make up for the harsh words I said to her, or the things I made her feel.
Understand me well, Sooyeon's actions were not justified because I mistreated her. I will not forgive her harsh words towards Amber nor her attempt to harm and kill her. But I have more sympathy towards her now.
For years I used to think that Sooyeon was a person with no doubts, a woman who was always confident and took the role of perfect older sister upon her like it suited her. Now I know she isn't even my biological sister nor is she as strong as I pictured her to be. That is mainly my fault, because I didn't want to beyond that mask.
I am sorry for the way Sooyeon has been treated by me, and Sooyeon has apologized for the way she treated me. We cleared up the air, and our bond became even better than before.

The types of love between Amber and me and Sooyeon and me is completely different. I used to think there was only one way to love. I thought I knew how to love, because I had read so many books that talked about love. Amber showed me that I was completely wrong, and when I thought I knew how love worked after falling in love with her, Sooyeon proved me wrong again.
After that, I still don't know how love works and I will not try to understand it a second time. This whole adventure has taught me that love is unpredictable, that it comes in ways you cannot imagine.
I once persued love, I wanted to find and unravel it's mystery. Now, after meeting Amber and discovering my sister's true personality, I try not to persue it anymore. I let love find its way to me.
Even when you're a vampire, love will find a way. I thought it wasn't possible for me, but I was wrong. Love always finds a way.

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