L'esprit de escalier

The inescapable feeling you get when you leave a conversation and then think about all the things you should have said,.

"I know most people are most likely not to admit it, but being judgmental is our human charismatics," Thomas Young was not sure if this was the right way to start a speech, maybe he should have greeted the people first. He felt how insecurity kicked in, his sweaty hands were wrapped around his speech paper and he felt eyes burning on him, "Some may say our judgmental keeps us safe and others don't even acknowledge their judgmental behavior." Thomas's eyes quickly scanned the papers while trying to swallow the lump in his throat. God, at the moment he is just happy that he did not became a teacher in High school.
"But why is it that some people associate mentally unstable people with romance? I have seen it so many times, everywhere." Finding back his confidence, Thomas slowly looked over the crowd.
If anyone had told him a few years ago that he would be the fonder over a Mental Institution, he would have asked them if they were crazy. Funny how time changes things.

"I am so done with people romanticizing being mentally unstable so let's break a few stereotypes," Thomas said , "Depression isn't someone staring at the moon with tears running over their cheeks, while their beloved one is telling them it is going to be okay. It's laying wide awake at 3AM with burning eyes and a dry throat, wondering why they should go to sleep because they don't see why it matters since they don't have to go anywhere or anyone to see." Thomas felt how adrenaline rushed throw him, he knew that his speech was a mess and how he should have prepared himself better. But then again, it wasn't easy for him to write this. The memories of him writing ran through his mind, so many nights of scratching words and trying again and again.

"Anorexia is not some skinny person rejecting a cupcake shyly at a party. It is someone on the bathroom floor with puke around their mouth and in their nose, crying why they can not be skinnier. It's someone that wears extra layers of clothing to hide how skinny they actually are so people won't ask anything. It's shaving away the hairs that your body grew as protection of it own." Maybe this had been a horrible idea, Thomas realized that it did not matter anymore, he was almost finished.

"As last I took Social Anxiety, this disorder is often there without people knowing it. People who have this disorder aren't rude or arrogant, they count the money in their head over and over again before they have to pay anything in a store, it's someone preparing themselves to say 'yes' to a question asked in class," said Thomas, "That is why I decided to do something because disorders don't have an age, gender, belief or race. All you need to be is human. Thank you. " Well, that went shitty is all that the 25 year old man could think, leaving the stage with shaky knees. Not even realizing that people were applauding.

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