Foto bij Remember me | Chapter twenty-one

Two days. She had two days to make a decision.
She took time off from work to think. It was irresponsible to take time off now — her father was in hospital and the company was currently going through a busy time — but she reckoned that if she chose for Amber either way, it wouldn't matter what happened to the company anymore because it would never become hers. No way her father was going to let her become the CEO when the media could find out such a scandalous thing about her.
Krystal had made an excuse to Kai that she didn't feel good. And in fact, she didn't. Her stomach twisted the whole day, her body was restless because her mind couldn't make up which decision she was going to choose. Amber or the company? Amber or the company...
At night she laid awake long after her fiancee had fallen asleep. More often than not she got out of bed then, taking a stroll through the neighbourhood untill she was creeped out enough to find her way back into the warm bed next to the man she knew was able to protect her, only to get out half an hour later again and walk restlessly around the house.
She wasn't a good conversationalist those two days. Actually, she had never been good at casually talking, but now that her mind was occupied with something else, she really spaced out. Kai had to ask her two or three times before she was able to respond. She felt a bit guilty for being so distant and dear god she wanted to talk about it with him so badly. There was a little hope that he would just step aside by himself because he wanted to grant her what her heart craved so badly. But she couldn't. She couldn't tell him because besides Amber he was the only person that wasn't family she trusted. She didn't want to loose him too. And despite not being in love with him, he was her best friend.
But shit, she missed her. She missed Amber, she even missed her after their first, big fight. Krystal wanted to hold her and kiss her and sleep next to her and cuddle up to her and fade off into her own dream world whilst she was being accompanied by Amber's songs. Her heart sprang up every time her name came across her mind. It didn't take her long to realize that if she rejected Amber now, she'd never see her again and she'd regret it for the rest of her life. But she didn't want to loose the company...

The second day was almost ending. The 48 hours almost done...
Kai was off to work when Krystal took her coat and her car keys to finally make her decision. On her way to Amber's place, she was still doubting, but she was almost entirely sure what she wanted now. And perhaps she was being selfish, and perhaps she threw someone good away after today, but she agreed with Amber: she had to make up her mind.
She stopped her car in front of the apartment building. With a heavy heart she stepped out and entered the lobby. The overly-exciting lift music didn't brighten her mood, but turned her even more nervous as the elevator shot up to the top level. When the doors opened, she was welcomed with soft music. The front door to Amber's apartment was open. It was a strange sight, but Krystal guessed it was something you were able to do when you were home and you were the only one living on the top level.
It was a slow melodie, with a sad edge to it. Suddenly the music stopped, then re-started, the same melodie. Curiously, Krystal stepped foreward. She knocked on the door, to announce she was there. The music stopped again.
Amber came walking around the corner. She wore a simple white t-shirt with loose light blue jeans. Her hair was down and she was barefooted. She looked like truly like an angel.
But her face was grim and almost expressionless and her cheeky grin was far from being seen. When she saw it was Krystal, her expression first changed to excited then a frown appeared on her face.
"Come in.." she muttered. Krystal nodded and stepped through the doorframe. Awkwardly, she placed her arms around her waist, wondering if she should say something. Amber just stared at the ground.
"What were you doing?" she eventually blurted out. Amber looked up and tilted her head slightly to the left.
"Composing," she answered curtly.
"Can I-can I hear it?"
Amber chuckled, as if she said something very funny.
"I never let someone listen to my songs before they're finished, not even Luna."
"I'm not just someone."

Amber looked at her with a strange expression. Then she smiled widely and shook her head. Whilst scratching the back of her head, she walked back to the living room. Back at the dinner, Krystal had already seen a black grand piano in the corner, near the wall-sized walls, but it had been closed. The black and white keys were visible now, and there were notebooks and sheets of music paper everywhere on the couch. It looked like a big music bomb had exploded in the living room. Amber walked towards the piano; her feet made sticky-sounds on the stone floor.
She sat down on the stool that belonged with the piano. With her legs a little spread, her fingers hovering over the key and her back turned to Krystal, she seemed to have lost in her own world for a moment. Then her finger pressed a key, a high light tone that carried through the room like the singing of pixies. Another followed and soon the melodie she had heard in the hallway filled the livingroom again. And when she started to sing, it so easily blended with the sad tune.
Amber sang the first two couplets and the chorus. It wasn't hard to understand, because the lyrics were formed by the memories between them. In the song, the two girls met at a party, seeing each other through the crowd. And they were lead by their hearts, even though their minds were supposed to be know better. The second couplet was a rap that talked about the fight they had, the harsh words that had fallen and the fight between heart and mind. Wanting to do the good thing but not being able to decide. Amber's voice had grown softer but faster and she almost sounded as if she was being choked, holding in her tears. And the chorus was written from the perspective of the girl who was left behind. She was alone, alone in the cold world that used to be sunny and bright. Without her, there was nothing to live for. And one sentence came back almost every time.
Bogo shipda. Bogo shipda.
Krystal hadn't been brought up bilingually, but she knew enough Korean from her parents to understand.
I miss you. I miss you.

Amber stopped after playing the melodie of the chorus again, then let her hands slide off the keys and let her head hang. A loud sigh escaped her lips when she stood up.
"It's about us..." Krystal muttered softly. Amber showed her a weak, pitying smile.
"All the songs I ever wrote were about us... about you," she said. "I never produced Need to feel needed, you know? There simply was no other artist qualified enough to sing what I felt towards you. I had several offers to turn it into a hit, but I said no. All the other sad songs I composed I sold off as quickly as possible, because my feelings were written down on those papers. When they were produced, they no longer bothered me. It helped me get over us."
Amber walked back to her, her face grim and her eyes thoughtful, as if she was still in her own fantasy world. Without looking at her, she said:
"Do you now understand my point of view, why I gave you this chance to make it up? If it were anyone but you, I would've never even spoken to them back at the party. But you changed my life. I earned all this money-" to assist her words, she lifted her arm, pointing at all the wealthy things that could already only be found in the living room,"-because of my songs, the songs I would have never written if you hadn't broken me eight years ago. And every day I was reminded by these things that I still wasn't over you. And because I kept getting reminded, I wrote more songs. More songs meant more money and the more money I got the more I spent. I was trapped into this vicious circle that wouldn't end. Luna tried to help me snap out of it but it only got worse. And perhaps that's why I let myself go when I found you again, that's why you're getting a third chance right now because I know — and I'm so afraid — that things'll turn back to the way they used to be. And I'll be making a living, yes, I'll be a succesful composer. But that doesn't have any value to me if they're still sad love songs inspired by you."
When Amber was done, tears had wettened her cheeks. Her hands had formed into fists but they still shook. And Krystla did the only thing in her power to console her, to let her know she felt so so sorry for what she had gone through because of her: she stepped foreward, placed both of her hands around Amber's cheeks and kissed her, long and deep. Amber kissed her back, but when they let go again, she still had the same empty expression on her face.
"I suppose you didn't come here for me to talk guilt into you," she said. "When you tell me your decision, make sure to choose what your heart wants. And if that's not me, don't be afraid to say so. A person cannot be forced to love someone whom they don't love."
Her voice was filled with sadness, as if she had already accepted her defeat.
"I don't know why you're being like this, Amber, where's your confidence?" she asked. The other woman looked up with a frown, already opening her mouth to reply annoyedly. Krystal shushed her.
"Kai has never been an option. I thought you knew that."
Amber lifted her eyebrows surprisedly. A small smile appeared on her face.
"I'm not used to you being so.. progressive," she said. Krystal smiled wider and shrugged.
"Well, you said you hadn't seen everything of me yet. And I guess that's true. When I want something, I get it. It might be selfish but-"
"No, it's not selfish,"
Amber interrupted her, with a chuckle. "It's just you seeking your happiness."
"I should've done that eight years ago,"
Krystal sighed. She pointed her gaze down, to her shoes. "I'm sorry for.. for breaking us up, Amber. I really am."
Krystal sighed as her happy, delighted mood suddenly turned to sadness. After what Amber had said to her, that every song she had ever written was about her, she felt incredibly guilty. Of course, she had had her hard parts too after the break up, but she had been able to drown herself in work to keep her mind off of the person she missed and focus completely on the goal she had wanted to achieve. Amber had done the same, but that resulted only in more sad songs. It indeed was a vicious circle that was hard to escape from. Krystal had never meant to break Amber so badly, nor had she thought that the cocky troublemaker would be much affected by their break up. The thought she used to console herself with was that Amber probably already had another girlfriend and had long forgotten about her.
Clearly she had, and it felt only good to apologize. If only Amber could forgive her... then maybe they could start over again. But even with her hopes up, she knew it would be diffecult for her to do, and it would cost months, maybe years to regain her full trust. But that was a price she was willing to pay.
Amber sighed and scratched the back of her head. Then she looked, her cheeky smile back on her face.
"The most important thing is that we're back together. Everything else, that'll come later on a droopy, rainy night with a glass of wine. For now, just take your clothes off."
Krystal's hand immediately shot up towards her breasts to cover them, even though she still wore her clothing. She shot Amber a confused, scared look. But when she started to laugh at her reaction, she slowly brought up her older arm and folded them in front of her chest, understanding that Amber didn't mean it that way. A huff left Krystal's mouth.
"I meant, get out of that uncomfertable dress and wear some clothes of mine. Let's make it a movie night.. or, day. Just you, me, Star Wars and quite a lot of fast food," she laughed. Krystal sighed and rolled her eyes, trying to keep her face under control. A small smile broke through her facade anyway.
"I'll only binge all those movies with you if you let me hear every song you have written. Don't even dare to skip one. I want to know how you felt — or feel — towards me," she replied. Amber placed her index finger on her lower lip, as if she was thinking. Then she smiled.
"Of course. Everything for my Princess. Just, should I bring you a box of tissues already, or..?"
"I'll be fine, you brat. I'm going to change my clothes and after that you're going to play."

Amber laughed and winked. She signaled that Krystal should just go towards the bedroom and get out of her dress. She stack out her tongue. Krystal dissapeared into the bedroom, although she couldn't help to swing a bit extra with her hips when she was on her way. She changed out of her dress. Amber was right; it was a bit too formal for a movie night, wasn't it? She chose one of Amber's sweat pants and her black sweater with R2-D2, since they were going to binge all the movies she might as well get in the mood.
When she returned, Amber had cleared up the sheets of music from the couch and had installed them all at the stand on the piano. She sat on the stool, leaning with her elbow on the keys. She watched her with a smile when she entered the living room. It had been long since she had had Amber's gaze so lovingly on her body, like she was the most beautiful thing in the world. Her cheeks turned red and she couldn't help to smile to herself. She sat down on the couch, installing herself in the corner of the long lounge back and pulling up her legs, hugging them against her body.
"I'm ready," she announced. Amber seemed to weak up from her trance. She cleared her throat and blinked a couple of times before she was able to shoot her a smile. In the mean time, she sat up straight and stretched her arms. Amber shot her one glance, then started to play.

One hour later, they were finally done. Krystal wished she had agreed on the tissues. After the fourth song, she hadn't been able to keep it dry anymore. The first few were still lovey-dovey, probably written around the time they just started dating. But you could feel the songs getting sadder, and at a certain moment, there was nothing more than sad ballads. The songs seemed to mix together, telling one big story about how sad and lonely she was during those eight years when she was alone. Sometimes there was an accasional song that talked about the love for her family, but the slightly happy songs were always drowned by the numerous ammount of sad love ballads.
Some she recognized. Amber sure had made a name in the music industry because she had collaborated with several famous artist. She created Last dance, by Big Bang, A lie by B1A4, Spring day by BTS, Stay by BLACKPINK, Eyes, nose, lips by Taeyang and Lived like a fool by Solar from MAMAMOO. She didn't doubt there were even more artists singing her songs, but they were with too many to name all.
When the last song had ended, Krystal got up from the couch, tears still running over her cheeks like never ending waterfalls. The other woman stood up to face her. Before Amber could turn around or say something, she had already wrapped her arms around her from behind, and — not caring about how it might be uncomfertable for her — nuzzled her wet face in her neck. Amber placed her hands over Krystal's, let their fingers intertwine.
"I told you you'd need those tissues.." she said softly.
"Oh shut up, you," Krystal blurted out in a shaking voice. She heard Amber chuckle softly. Krystal bit her lip hard and squeezed her eyes shut. Amber let her stand there for a few seconds, but eventually turned around in her arms. She felt how her hands were placed on her cheeks, and they softly forced her to look in Amber's eyes. Krystal bit down upon her lip and sighed. Amber whiped the tears from her cheeks with her thumbs, but new ones simply replaced the others. Amber smiled at her and bowed down to softly kiss her lips. This time it was Krystal who wanted more than a soft peck on the lips. She wrapped her arms around Amber's neck and deepened the kiss immediately, wanting to taste every bit of Amber. It seemed to overwhelm her for a moment, but eventually she also felt Amber's arms curl around her waist, pulling her closer too. Their lips slid over each other like they were made to do so; like two puzzle pieces who only fitted together. They had to part because they were short on breath, but kept their faces close. Their noses still touched each other and Krystal's eyes were still closed. Her body felt warm and fuzzy and it wasn't because she wore comfertable clothes.
"You know, if you don't want to watch Star Wars, you can always tell me," Amber chuckled. Krystal opened her eyes so that she could roll with them.
"No, let's watch that dumb series of yours," she laughed. Krystal remembered that she and Amber had planned a movie night to see all of the movies, a few days after the dinner with Mr. and Mrs. Jung. She knew it were Amber's favourite movies — she was not counting the Pokémon series here — and she had agreed to watch it because she had never even seen any of the movies. She had always defended herself that she knew the Darth Vader theme song by heart but Amber had not let her off the hook.
"Dumb? You clearly have never watched a good movie before if you call Star Wars dumb!" she exclaimed resentful. Krystal laughed and pecked her another time on the lips.
"Show me how 'not dumb' it is then," she said. Amber chuckled and winked.
"Don't worry, Carry Fischer will capture your heart like she had mine when I was little."

Eightteen hours. That's how long it would take to watch the entire Star Wars saga, plus the latest two movies, The Force Awakens and Rogue one, took eightteen hours to watch.
Krystal was prepared to do a lot, but to watch eightteen hours in a row was a bit too much, even for her. After the first three movies — Amber had insisted that they'd watch the movies in a chronological order, so she'd get the story better when they started on the original saga — her brain was so melted with all sorts of space-related stuff that she had to stop watching otherwise she was sure her brain would melt. To prevent Amber that she started the next movie, she simply tackled the other girl on the couch. With her hands up to protect herself, Amber fell on her back, with Krystal on top. With a big grin on her face, she leaned foreward, until their faces were only inches apart. Amber laughed softly and tried to wriggle out from under her, but she had her firmly pinned to the couch with her legs.
"Something is telling me that you weren't that impressed by Anakin's transformation into Darth Vader as I was."
Krystal smiled apologetically before placing a soft peck on her cheek.
"Don't get me wrong, Anakin was good-looking but I'd rather look at you."
"I'm glad to hear I'm more attractive than the most famous super villain,"
chuckled Amber. She pecked her back on the lips.
Krystal bit her lip softly and started to laugh.
"Well, you know, it's not that diffecult to be more attractive if you take in consideration that half of Anakin's body got burned off," she said, which resulted into a high pitched 'yah!' from Amber. Krystal smiled devilishly and wiggled with her eyebrows. Amber grabbed her face firmly with both hands and squished her cheeks.
"You just don't dare to admit that I'm highly attractive and that you like me a lot," Amber chuckled. Krystal shook her face free from her grip and rose one of her eyebrows questioningly. A small chuckle left her mouth when she shook her head.
"Nah, I don't like you."
Amber frowned.
"Yes, you do."
"No, I do not."
"Well, then explain why you were kissing me just a few moments ago-"

Krystal rolled her eyes.
"I don't like you, I love you. I still meant to say that, you know, eight years ago but I never got the chance. I now do."
Amber's frown dissapeared from her face and for a few seconds, a look of disbelief entered her eyes. But when Krystal didn't burst out in laughter, she didn't laugh either, and just kept seriously stare back at her. Krystal bit down on her lip and averted her eyes, but Amber forced her back to look at her by turning her head with her hands. There was a hint of a smile on her face when Krystal looked up.
"I love you too."
Krystal snickered and pouted.
"I know, you don't have to rub it in every time," she joked. Amber grinned. She placed her hand in her neck, carassing her cheek with her thumb. Krystal bowed down to kiss her and the other woman willingly kissed back. The teasing had gotten lost because of the deep words they had said to each other, and all Krystal could taste now was the love between them. It almost felt as if she was kissing her for the very first time again; her stomach turned; her heart started to beat so fast that it felt like she could suffer a heart attack at any moment; her mind was clouded, she was unable to think; Amber's parfume made her dizzy; there was an impossible bubble of need for Amber building in her body and even though they were already kissing, it was not enough. Amber's other hand moved to her hips and slid under her shirt, drawing circles on her hip with the tips of her fingers.
Krystal found herself grabbing Amber's hand, pushing it more upwards over her back. Amber's hand found the closing of her bra and without even fumbling a little bit, clipped it open. The fact that Krystal already had trouble unclipping her bra sometimes with two hands and Amber only needed one, showed how skilled she was. Amber pulled back for a moment.
"Are you okay with this?" she asked softly. When Krystal opened her eyes, she saw how concerned the other woman was looking up to her. A bit confused, she tilted her head.
"Why wouldn't I be?"
"Well, you know I like make up sex but we're just back together. Kai is still at home, you're supposed to be at Jung Internationals right now. Your father is sick. Are you sure you want to fuck now?"

Krystal smiled and cupped her face in her hands. She placed a kiss on the tip of her nose.
"Then don't fuck me, make love to me," she said.

Krystal had thought that the previous two times she had spent with Amber were magical, but it turns out that when Amber really wanted to make you feel special, she had no trouble doing so. She had never thought that eye-contact during sex was so incredibly turning on. It suddenly wasn't all about achieving an orgasm as much and as quickly as possible, but more to make it as long as the other person could bear.
Being still a little sore of the day before, Krystal was only to handle so much. Yesterday, she again had not been able to tell Kai no. He had almost begged her to and it had been too much for her. So she had agreed and let him have his way, resulting in her body aching again. And whilst Kai thought her moaning was a result of her liking it, she had to keep herself from bursting into tears because it hurt so much. Perhaps him hurting her had also helped her make the decision: she didn't want to be with a person whom couldn't see through her facade and tell she was hurting.
Amber, on the contrary was very very soft, as soon as she noticed that Krystal was easily hurt this time. She was gentle and sweet and she made her feel like she was able to touch the stars.

One and a half hour later, they laid next each other on the couch, Krystal nuzzled up to Amber. She used her arm as a pillow and her arms wrapped around her waist. Their legs were intertwined. They had decided to put back on their lingerie and sweaters, but that was all. Drowsiness started to overwhelm her. Amber was stroking her hair with her free hand. Krystal was aware that the other girl was studying her face, but she didn't care and just closed her eyes. Amber's parfume had wore off a bit, revealing her delicious own scent. She didn't need parfume to smell like summer.
"I could just lay here forever, you know..." she muttered. Her voice was still hoarse. Amber pressed a kiss on her forehead.
"Then just stay here forever."
"Funny. Remember we still have to win over an entire company together?"
Krystal chuckled. Amber laughed softly.
"That can wait. Just tell them you're sick for another day and stay," Amber whined. Krystal opened her eyes and chuckled.
"What, needy much? Ew," she laughed. Amber squinted her eyes togehter.
"Me? Needy? Do I have to remind you that you were just moaning my name and almost hitting me because I was to slow? Should I do a demonstration-"
Krystal pressed her hands upon her mouth to make her stop talking. Amber's eyes twinkled develishly.
"Let's just say that we both like each other, okay?" Krystal laughed. She slowly took her hands away from Amber's mouth, but the other girl immediately squeezed her eyes shut and started to moan excessively. Krystal quickly placed her hands back to smother her voice. She felt her grin against her hands.
"Stop that!" she exclaimed with red cheeks. It was one thing to moan during sex but it was incredibly embarassing when it was done at other occasions. Amber started to laugh instead and took Krystal's hands away herself.
"Hmm, okay, let's say we both like each other," she laughed. "So, what do you wanna do now? If I can't tease you with fake moaning, what else am I supposed do now, hmm?"
Krystal rolled her eyes and cuddled back up against her, nuzzling her face in her neck.
"It's only 4 PM,"
Amber replied.
"So? Just nap with me, please," she muttered.
"Never knew you were even able to say the word 'please'," Amber laughed. "Oh no, wait, I clearly remember you asking me to please speed up because you were almost-"
"AMBER! Sleep!"

Krystal closed her eyes and sighed. She felt Amber move a little bit to get in a comfertable position too. Two soft lips pressed a kiss on her cheek. Krystal fell asleep with a smile on her face.

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