Week twenty - Forever
Silence hung between us in a thick cloud as I slid the ring from my finger and dropped it in his outstretched hand. I made sure not to touch him, his skin, as if it would break all my resolve to be strong and independent. This was it. This was what he wanted, not what I wanted. But here it was anyway. My finger felt cold and empty without the warm promise of his love surrounding it. Unceremoniously he shoved the ring in his jeans pocket and clicked his tongue twice.
'I will come to pick up my other stuff on Tuesday. Oh, and the couch is mine.'
My voice died. It was. He had bought it, I remembered it. Standing in line at the Ikea I realized I had forgotten my credit card so he paid for it. It didn't matter then, we were together and we would be moving into the apartment together. It'd be as much mine as it was his. Not anymore.
'You can keep the chair, you always liked it better than me.'
Saying thank you didn't seem right. I didn't need to thank him for his charity. He had taken everything from me. Everything and more. Everything that mattered anyway. I wanted to rage, I wanted to kiss him, beg him, and I wanted to be alone in my grief. I knew now that things could not be fixed. Some things were too far gone already, we were to far gone already. There would be no forever for us. No wedding day, no children. No future.
'Are you moving in with her?'
I couldn't help it, but my voice sounded venomous and harsh. He flinched visibly. Yes. He was leaving me for another woman. A colleague, someone he had been fucking with already for god knows how long. The whore. I bitterly wished things for them would end badly but as soon as I wished it I knew it was wrong. I knew that the bitterness that rose up like bile in my mouth would only make things worse. For me.
'Well? Out with it. You owe me that much at least.'
'I am. We are moving in together. Dana... She's pregnant.'
I could feel all emotion drain out of me in thick torrents from my heart through my stomach, legs and finally my feet. Leaving me cold and without any love to give. She had given him all he wanted, she had been better than me. She was better than me. Better than I could ever be to him. It stung, I wanted the feeling gone. I needed the feeling to be gone.
'I think you should go.'
I closed my eyes as I heard the front door open and then close again with a soft thud. The footsteps on the other side of the wall already fading as the first tears crossed my cheeks, and my heart split into a million pieces, razor sharp and cutting at my insides like knives.
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