I wrap my hands around the coffee cup, around my very special cold coffee.

‘Do you want some whipped-cream in it?’ Ben’s voice sounds far away, much further than the kitchen. The past few weeks have been crazy for me. It’s not like something really happened after the moment in the cafe. Days went by just like any other day and everything seems to be, kind of, normal. Still I can’t seem to focus on it. Everything passes me by, without really catching my attention. I stare out of the window, watching some last leaves falling down the tree. My breath fogs up the glass of the window, which means it’s getting really colder outside. Ben walks in with two big cups of hot chocolate. The whipped cream on top happily bounces around in the cups as he walks over to me. It smells great, but I shouldn’t drink it. It’s not good for me. ‘I’m not really thirsty, sorry...’ My voice sounds tired and cold. Ben must have noticed I’m feeling a bit down these days. He is very sweet to be, does everything to cheer me up, but nothing really helps. ‘Come on honey, you won’t get fatter by one drink!’ He sounds tired too, and also a little bit annoyed. ‘What happened Nicole? It’s not like you ever paid attention on your looks before!’ He shouldn’t have said that, I think angrily to myself. ‘That’s exactly why I should right now! Just look at me, what do you see?’ I ask him while standing up from the couch, spreading my arms like I am about to be rated by a jury. ‘You look fine! Don’t talk to me like that.’ I shake my head and walk over to the staircase. ‘Where are you going?’ He stands up too. ‘I’m going for a run, I need some fresh air.’ I reply, trying to sound as calm as possible.

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