I tell myself Iím fine. But I know Iím lying

Feelings are useless. They hurt. So much.
I tell myself Iím fine, that these feelings are fine, but I know theyíre not. I can feel myself slowly slipping away, losing control. Itís as if I watch myself from the sidelines. I could step in and help at any time, but I donít. I let myself drown.
Iím sure he doesnít care. He never speaks a word to me, heís busy with other things, at least thatís what I tell myself to feel better. Like I said; one day heíll know. Iím just not sure what day.
The water once again begins to fill my lungs. I canít breathe. And all I can see is his face. His beautiful, beautiful face. His eyes as blue as the water Iím chocking on. His mouth as beautiful as the coral that lies deep beneath the waves.
I reach out to myself, pull myself out of the water. Much too late, but Iíve survived.
Reach my hand above the water. Grab onto the air. Iíve saved myself again. But Iím not sure why.

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