‘Anna. Are you alright?’
For a split second, she wanted to lie. Tell him she was okay. Tell him she just called to hear how he was doing. But even if she wanted to, she couldn’t. ‘No. And to be honest, I haven’t been for so long that I can’t remember a time when I was alright. Bill, I just… I just don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I am dying a little bit more with each passing day, and…’ She paused, forcing herself to take a breath and calm down. ‘I just can’t do it anymore, Bill. I know I said this before, but I can’t. Today I almost…’
‘You almost what?’ He sounded worried, his voice that had been heavy with sleep now frantic with concern. ‘Anna, please talk to me. What happened?’
‘I considered ending it all. I don’t know what happened but suddenly I was reaching for a bottle of sleeping pills and…-‘
‘Do I need to call 911?’
‘No! No, I didn’t do it in the end. I was ready to die, I wanted to die, Bill. I don’t know what to do, I… I feel like I can’t trust myself.’
He was silent for a moment, and I feared he had stopped listening in the middle of my sobbing. ‘Do you want me to come to you?’
‘Do you want me to come to you?’ He repeated. ‘We are in Los Angeles for the night; if you want I can come to you.’
‘No,’ Anna stuttered, even as she contemplated his proposal. There was a part of her that wanted to say yes, a part that needed to be held, that needed to be rocked back and forth and told that it was all going to be all right. But it wasn’t – and Bill coming over wouldn’t change that. In fact, it would only complicate things, for then she would stop being a faceless person behind a screen or phoneline. ‘No,’ she repeated, now more definite, ‘I just needed to talk to someone, I will be fine now. I am sorry for calling you at this time of night.’
‘Wait, Anna!’ He said, just as she was about to press the red phone button. ‘Let’s… let’s just talk, okay? I know you will not be getting any sleep anytime soon and, to tell you the truth, I will probably not either.’
‘Very well,’ she agreed, although still hesitant. ‘What do you want to talk about?’
‘How about you tell me something about you? Something I don’t know yet.’
‘There’s lots you do not know about me yet.’
‘Hmmm… alright. You mentioned you immigrated to the States. Where did you come from?’
‘Of course, that was a stupid question in hindsight.’
‘It’s not very hard to guess,’ she agreed, a small smile appearing on her lips despite herself.
‘Why did you move?’
‘My mother got a job offer. She owned an art gallery in Seattle for some time, before we moved to California.’
‘How old were you?’
Anna thought for a moment, ‘Twelve, perhaps thirteen at the time. I was very angry with her for taking me away from my friends, my grandparents… and you.’
‘Well, I mentioned I was a fan of yours, didn’t I? I was still a young girl, horribly shy and self-conscious, and I suppose that is what drew me to your music. Although you had not been to England yet at the time, I had hope that I would see you perform. I was afraid that going to States would mean I never got to.’
‘Did you?’
‘No. I grew older and with time, I suppose my obsession with your band died down. Then, I just got busy with school, university, friends, and Ian, and I think I just forgot about it for a time.’
‘How did you meet him?’
‘Ian? I helped out my Mum at art gallery when we first moved to Sacramento. He came to one of the expositions, asked me a question about a piece, and so we got talking. I never believed in love on first sight, but somehow we clicked straight away. It felt like coming home.’
‘That’s very romantic,’ Bill agreed, before he stifled a yawn – and Anne felt horrible.
‘Oh I am so sorry! Here I am keeping you up in the middle of the night to talk about my deceased lover.’
‘I like talking to you,’ he admitted, even as another yawn escaped his lips.
‘But you will not like it so much anymore when you have to get up in the morning,’ she said in jest. ‘Go, Bill, it is all right, I am all right now. You have helped me more than you can imagine.’
‘Do you promise you are okay?’
‘I promise. We shall speak again soon.’
‘Hmmm, fine then. You try to get some sleep as well, Anna.’
‘I will try. Good night, Bill.’
‘Good night, Anna.’

Reacties (1)

  • Luckey

    Oh boy!

    2 jaar geleden

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