Foto bij 27 ~ B.A.B.Y

Oh dit bestaat ook nog, hehe

You begin to feel sick. Only in the mornings, however. At first you think it is just the flu. But when it has lasted over two weeks you decide to go to the doctor. You tell no one and go alone. You feel like you are sneaking out. People should know you feel unwell, but you do as you are used to, you suck it in and deal with yourself in silence.
At the doctor’s office, the doctor knows only one answer. He send you into the toilet with a white plastic stick. A predictor, a pregnancy test. You heave a soft sigh and you think back on your passionate nights with Nate. It seems that you have been careless somewhere along the way. You take the predictor back to the doctor. He watches it dry. It only confirms what he suspected. “Miss, you are pregnant.” He says. “I had best go home to tell the father.” You reply.
On your way home you contemplate what to tell Nate and how to move forward. You’re with child, his child. You wonder how he’ll take it. Would he be angry, would he be happy? You don’t know. And you are a little anxious to find out.

You open the back door. Kenpachi barks loudly to announce your return. Everyone is aware of it now. “Thank you, you useless canine.” You whisper. Kenpachi rushes into the sere, Sam and Jack on his heels. “Where have you been?” Jack asks. Kenpachi whines and licks at your fingers. Jack gives you a worried look. “Just… the Doctor..” You mumble, avoidingly looking away from both boys. Sam puts a hand on your forehead. “Are you sick, ma?” He asks. You try to pry his hand away. “No, I am fine. Get off me Sam.” You whine. “But there is something off about you.” Jack says. “Yes, I got Sam’s hand glued to my face.” You reply dryly. Sam takes his hand away. “Maybe she is just on her period.” Jacks says. Sam nods. “If you need anything, just tell us.” He smiles widely. “Yeah… Will do.” You mumble. The boys go back into the house. You kick your shoes off and head upstairs.
Once you are alone in your room, you let go. Tears stream down your face and you sob silently. You are very scared. Scared of Nate’s reaction. Scared of what everyone else will say. Scared you won’t be a good mother. Scared of all the bull shit you went through with Chris repeating. Scared that Chris will have hard feelings. You choke out a heartfelt wail in your heartache.
Nate runs into your bedroom. “What’s going on?” He asked, panicked. You bite your lip and shake your head. Nate sits down beside you, on the edge of your bed. “You gotta tell me lil’ mama. I wana help.” He wraps an arm around you. You lean into him. “Oh Nathan, we have been so uncareful. We have been careless.” You sniffle. Nate tenses up a little. “What do you mean babe?” He asks softly. You know you will have to tell him. Better now than letting it stew. You sit upright and take his hands in your own. “I went to the Doctor just now.” You says softly. “Are you sick!?!” Nate sounds beyond worried. You shake your head. “We’re fine… I think.” You mutter. “We?” Nate frowns. You bring his hands to your belly. There is no swell yet, but Nate understands the hint.
You can see the insecurity in his eyes. “Really?” He whispers. “Yes Nathan. I am really pregnant.” You whispers. He pulls your close.”I’m gona need to wrap my head around this.” Nate mutters hoarsely. Tears slide down his face. “I know, me too.” You take his face between your hands. You kiss him softly. Nate kisses back hesitantly.

“There is something you need to know Nathan...” You mutter. Nate gives you a scared look. “Once upon a time I was trying for a baby with Chris. My pregnancy did not last four months. My body rejected the baby and it messed up what Chris and I had...” You feel tears coming back to your eyes. “Why?” Nate asks softly. You shrug. “I don’t know. I think he felt like he’d done something wrong...” You sniffle. “I’ll stick by you. Baby or no baby. I promise you, lil’ mama.” Nate pulls you into his lap. “Thanks luv… But I am afraid that Chris will be an ass about it.” You whisper. Nate puts his arms around you and noses his face into the nape of your neck. “I’ll protect you baby.” He whispers softly. “Thank you Nathan.” You curls yourself against his chest.
Feet on the stairs make you startle. You make bleary eyes when the door of your bedroom swings open. “We want to know what is wrong!” Sam demands. He and both Jack’s pour into your room, followed by Jake, Kenny and Shawn. “Goodness me, you brought the entire cavalry, didn’t you Samsquach.” You mumbles. You disentangle yourself from Nate and stand up. “Yeah, we are worried ma. What’s going on. You ‘n skate both been cryin’ it sure ain’t nothin’.” Sam cups your face with his hands. You press your lips together in a thin line. “I .. I might be a mother … soonish...” You mumble. Sam makes wide eyes at you. “You are pregnant?” He gasps. You nod. “Skate is gona be a dad, who woulda thunk.” Gilinsky claps Nate on the back. “Are you ready to be parents?” Shawn asks seriously. “I was ready five years ago.” You answer. “I am sure you will make a great mum.” Kenny smiles sweetly at you. “But will Skate make a good dad?” Sam asks. He looks at his best friend. Nate gazes at his socks. “I’m afraid I won’t be.” He mumbles. “Bull shit. I am sure you will be.” Shawn gently puts his hand on Nate’s shoulder. Nate looks up at Shawn. His verdict always seems to matter more somehow. “Thanks man.” Nate smiles so wide his cheeks start to dimple.

“We should throw a party.” Johnson says, while all of you head downstairs. “What for?” You ask. “The baby of course.” Johnson leads into the living. “What baby?” Chris jumps up from the couch. This is the moment you have been dreading. You will have to tell him Nate is getting what he could never have. “She’s pregnant.” Sam blurts out. Chris freezes and looks at you. His grey eyes are unreadable. You avoid his look. “That is great, congrats.” Chris’ voice breaks.
“What’s the matter, babe?” Shawn asks his boyfriend. He gives you a look. “Will you tell him?” Chris asks. “I tolds Nathan, you ought to tell Shawn.” You reply. “Very well.” Chris takes Shawn by the hand and pulls him into the kitchen. “What is his problem?” Sam asks. “He and I have a whole lot of history, Sammich.” You pat Sam on the arm. “Please tell me you don’t have a kid together.” Sam all but growls. “Maybe that would have been better. Better than losing a little one three and half months into the pregnancy.” You mumble. “Oh my god ma! I didn’t know, I am so sorry. I should have never asked.” Sam hugs you tightly. “Bro be careful!” Nate drags Sam away. “It’s alright Sam, Chris and I weren’t really ready to be parents either way. It is better like this.” You whisper. Sam struggles to get back to you and gently takes you into his arms. You hug him back happily. “We are gona help you, the best we can, ma.” Sam promises. “Yes we will.” Gilinsky agrees. Everyone else gives a yes as well.
Shawn and Chris plop up from the kitchen. Chris approaches you, the crowd parting like the red sea. “No hard feelings, Prinzessin, I promise.” He says softly. “Thank you, sweet prince.” You mumble. Chris pulls you into an embrace. “We will all stand by you.” Shawn joins the embrace. “Oh you guys.” You whisper, happy tears streaking your face.

“Shouldn’t you tell your parents?” Kenny asks. You shrug. “Eh… I broke off contact with my mom and with dad it is falkey at best. I’d tell Yu, if he’d care.” You mumble. “Can I tell my parents?” Nate asks. “Of course luv.” You purr. Nate grins at you and presses a kiss to your forehead. He grabs his phone and immediately facetime calls him parents. He wanders away from the crowd that is still around you.
You follow behind, giving the others a look to tell them to stay back. This is not something they need to be involved in. You sit down at the kitchen table. Nate’s mother picks up. “Hi mom.” Nate says shyly. “Nathan! It has been so long, you should call more often.” Mrs. Maloley tells him, as a greeting. “Sorry mom, I got a bit sweeped up by the current.” Nate flusters a little. “Honey I was worried.” Mrs. Maloley tells her son. You remind yourself to never to call Nate honey, ever again. “Do you eat enough? Do you sleep well? Do you still smoke so much weed? Do you miss us? Who is that girl?” Mrs. Maloley bombards poor Skate with questions. “Yes, yes, no, yes, yes… Oh fu- .. That’s Tessa.” Nate deadpans. You wave shyly. “Is she your girlfriend?” Mrs. Maloley sounds a bit suspicious. Nate nods. “Yes mom, she is.” Nate nods. A grins makes his cheeks dimple. He is very handsome like that. “Hi, I am Tessa de Buhr.” You say. “Hello Tessa, I wish this was a meeting in person, but Nathan seems to have better things to do.” Mrs. Maloley says, her tone slightly scold. “Mom!” Nate calls. “Please don’t be too hard on the lad, Ma’am. We have news we couldn’t wait with. As much as we would love coming over, we need to share it now.” You say, in defense of your boyfriend. And to keep on point.
“Yes mom, we have very big news...” Nate says. His cheeks darken again. “Did you do something?” Mrs. Maloley’s eyes narrow. “Yeah we did.” Nate mutters. “Don’t tell me she is ...” Mrs. Maloley doesn’t want to say it. “She is pregnant mom.” Nate confirms. “But you are not married!” Mrs. Maloley all but shouts. Nate gives you a look. “I knew she would say this.” He mouths. “Ma’am.. My mother had seven divorces, marriage is not my thing.” You reply. Mrs. Maloley gives you a scandalized look. Nate groans and hides his face in his hands. “I’m sorry luv. That was harsh… But marriage is not my priority. I need to very careful with this new life. No stress and a lot of health stuff.” You say, trying to make amends. Nate looks up at you. “You don’t want to lose this one, right?” He murmurs. “No Nathan, what we made is a blessing to me and I will do my utmost to bring it into this world healthy and whole.” You say softly. Nate turns back to his phone. “Mom, please trust me in this. I’ll warm her up to the idea of being my wife eventually.” Nate says softly. That makes you fluster.

Not much later you sit in your atelier with an iPad that might be Sam’s in your lap. You are googling every piece of information you may find to make sure you keep the baby this time around. Nate knocks on the door, even though it is open. You look up. “Heya...” You mumble. “Hey lil’ mama.” Nate says softly. “Are you okay?” He asks. You nod. “A bit scared of what the future holds, but I’ll manage.” You reply. “I am scared to, baby, but I am sure we will manage it together.” Nate says gently. You put one hand over your belly, where you know the new life is growing. Nate places his hand over yours. “I will protect you, both.” He whispers. You grab hold of the front of his shirt and draw him forward. Nate groans a little into the kiss. You keep it slow and gentle. You are not sure escalating it is a good idea just yet.

The next morning you are doubting your entire existence. You are knelt in front of the toilet and curing morning sickness. Nate leans against the bathroom door. You haven’t allowed him in with you. “I want to help!” He complains. He clench your jaws, sweating profusely. You don’t want to be sick. Pregnancy is not and illness. And yet, your body sure as hell makes it seem like one. You throw up, noisily. Nate bangs on the door. “Please let me in.” He yells. But of course that is not an option. You are rather occupied.
Once you have washed your face and brushed your teeth you open the door. “Oh baby...” Nate mutters. He pulls you into a hug. “I regret everything.” You grumble. “I am sure this isn’t going to last.” Nate whispers softly. “The studies say it is a first trimester thing, but some women have it during their whole pregnancy.” You try to get out of his embrace. “How was it … your first time?” Nate isn’t letting you go. You press your lips together, trying to not let emotions overwhelm you. “It was … milder… But it was there.” You mumble. Nate grabs your chin and makes you look up to him. “No tears now lil’ mama, you’ll do fine. I am sure you will.” He cooes. Your heart skips a beat at how sweet he is.

“I think I love you Nathan.” You whisper. “And I love you. We’re gona do this, yeah.” Nate smiles his dimpled smile at you. “Yes we will.” You nodd.

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