In the evening Richard came to my trailer again, at first I tried to keep my distance, still doubting whether it was even worth it to keep this relationship going or not. I mean what if Dean found out about us, what would he think of Richard, what would he do to him? What would become of me, how much longer would my life last? Was this relationship worth all the drama? The pain? Even though I knew my answer to this, how could I just assume Richard’s answer would be the same. Luckily this thoughtful man soon realised something was on my mind and he asked me about it. I wasn’t a very talkative person, so it wasn’t easy to explain how I felt, still I knew I had to try, I loved this man, I couldn’t just sit here and make up a lie. ‘How do you know it’s going to be worth it?’ I then asked out of nowhere. Richard seemed a little surprised or even shocked by this question. ‘What do you mean?’ he asked me. ‘Us? This whole relationship? The risks we are taking, how do you know it’ll be worth it?’ I spoke clearer. For just a moment Richard didn’t seem to find the words to speak, yet he quickly recovered and grabbed my hands in his. ‘Hera, I know everything’s worth it because I love you, sure I loved other women before but never the way I love you now. It doesn’t matter what the other’s think, it doesn’t matter what Dean might do, nothing matters, not even age. I love you and I know we understand each other like no one ever will’ Richard spoke already bringing up some of my fears without even asking me about them. He was right, he did understand me better than anyone ever could, or would. ‘Dean thinks I’m flirting with Lee Pace’ I spoke thinking of my plan of this morning ‘He thinks I’m in love with him or something, what if I just keep giving him the impression that I am actually in love with Lee, what if Lee even decides to play along and we can keep this up until filming is over and I can go home with you, to England?’ I told Richard the whole plan. Once again he didn’t answer at once, he seemed to be thinking about it, but not in a good way. ‘You really want to keep our relationship hidden from everyone and then just disappear after filming? Leaving your brothers behind?’ he asked still kind of shocked. ‘There is nothing left for me here, and I cannot risk having the only person I care about being taken away from me. You don’t know what Dean can do, you don’t know what he is capable of. He believes he still has to protect me, like I’m a little child, almost as if I am his child. I can’t take this no more’ I said having tears in my eyes. Richard now carefully wrapped his arms around me and made my rest my head on his chest ‘Hey, it’s okay, You won’t lose me. We’ll figure it all out, just don’t use Lee, I don’t want to play a role, I don’t want to hide, Hera’ he said which made me sigh ‘You don’t know Dean’ I said which made him laugh ‘Well I know him a little, remember we’re together for most part of the day, and I know he’s protective, but I also know he means well. He loves you, he’s just being a typical older brother I think’ Richard said which made me sigh ‘You don’t have brothers, you don’t know that, he’s obsessed with keeping me safe, and in some way I can’t blame him. Yes we lost a lot, and he almost lost me. But if you could have only seen the way I lived back at home, I just can’t believe how I am finally coming back to life and he just seems to rather hold me in some quarantine as if anything I do, anyone I care about can destroy me. Well if that’s the case why be alive at all?’ I said which made Richard kiss my forehead. ‘He’ll come around, you’ll see, just give it time’ he spoke. In some way I had a feeling he was planning on something, I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. I decided not to ask further questions anyway. My hear was aching pretty badly already of all this worrying so I told Richard I was tired and had to go to bed. Once again he came to bed with me and sang me asleep with the Misty Mountains song. I did wake up a few times that night, yet every time I woke up seeing Richard’s peaceful sleepy face next to me was all I needed to just lie down and fall back asleep as well.
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