Dan looked at me with big eyes, 'you are pregnant?' i nodded 'ow Aiv' he said, pulling me into his arms. I started to cry. This was a fucked up situation. How in hell was i gonna tell Seb that i was pregnant. Right after we split.
'When did you found out?' Dan asked after i stopped crying. 'only two days ago. And it's so fucked up, i was going to tell Seb today, after the race. And i really don't know what to do right now' i said, i was already feeling desperate. i really have no clue on what i am going to do.
'it is really fucked up Aiv. But you know, i will always support you, no matter what. Will you tell Seb?' 'i don't know. I think he needs to know. It's his child after all, but on the other hand, i really don't want to see him anymore, and just go back to mom and dad and take care of the baby alone' i shrugged my shoulders.
'you are coming home with me after the race. you can talk to Lou about it. And then making ya mind up about what to do, ok?' i just nodded. i was feeling devastated and extremely tired after all the shit off today. i yawned. 'are you tired?' Dan asked, i nodded 'you can use the bed in here. And after free practice we go back to my hotel, so you can take a warm bath' he said, and i really appreciated that. 'thanks Dan' 'of course, you are my sis, your life is falling apart. i have to help you. I can't just stand there and doin' nothing' he said, pressing a kiss against my cheek.
'yeah, my life is really falling apart huh?' i said, feeling emotional again. but i didn't want to cry, i cried enough. 'you can cry ya know?' Dan said after looking at my face 'i don't want to. i need to be strong' 'Aiv, you can be strong later. You just found this shit out, you can cry' he said pulling me in his big arms, and then i started to cry. Balling my eyes out.
It hurts, it was fucking hurting. Having the love off my life ripped my heart out. And left it on the ground in a million pieces. i was feeling so angry, but the sadness, that was the worst. i was feeling alone already. Even in the big strong arms of my brother.
'oh honey' Louise said when Dan and i stepped into their home in Beverly Hills. She hugged me and i lay my head on her shoulder. Getting teary-eyed again. 'you heard everything?' i asked when she pulled away. 'not the whole thing' Dan said, and i knew what he meant.
'There's more?' Louise asked. i nodded 'i'm pregnant' i told her. She looked at me, shocked. 'pregnant? Ow hun' she said, pulling me in another hug. 'well, there's one positive thing' she said, pulling away from me, i looked at her, and then at my brother, who was smiling. 'i'm pregnant to' she said. 'No fucking way' 'yes fucking way'
'that is so cool. Dan why didn't you tell me?' i turned to him. 'we wanted to wait for a couple of weeks. we just found out last week. but i talked about it with Lou, and we both agreed on telling you first after all the shit' 'well, this is really awesome. I'm so happy for you guys' i said, while tears were forming in my eyes, again. i gave them both a big hug en smiled at them.
'no need for tears sis' Dan said. 'They are happy tears. I'm really happy for you, and so grateful for becoming an aunt' i said with a big smile. I was truly really happy for them, those two people loved each other so much, and they will become the best parents ever.
I really wished it didn't have to be like this, i also want to be a little family with Seb. And i almost had that. But he had to screw up. One big mistake, and everything was gone. And i hated him for that.
'You already know what you are gonna do?' Louise asked. The pair took me out for dinner. To clear my head for a little. 'Hmm, i need to call a lawyer. So the divorce papers are signed as soon as possible' i said, sipping at my water. 'So, no chance off forgiveness for him?' Louise asked, 'at this moment, no. Maybe in the future. But i have to go my own way now' 'well shit' Dan said.
'I know Dan, everything is fucked up at the moment. The only thing positive, is us being pregnant at the same time' 'things are getting even better, because we had a little talk the moment we found out. And we decided to move back to Australia, so mom and dad, and Lou's parents can visit the baby as much as possible' Dan said, with a big, big smile.
'That is really great, mom and dad would love that. They will go crazy if they found out they are having two grandkids at the same time' 'yes they will, so will my parents if they hear' i smiled. I couldn't wait to tell my mom and dad about the baby.
'We're flying back to Aussie after the last grand prix. We will stay with Lou's parents until we find a house. What will you do?' 'well, i don't have the money to just buy a house, so first i will stay at mom and dad's, and then looking for something to rent' 'mom and dad would love to have you there, and I'm sure they will give you all the time you need to find anything' Dan said, giving my hand a squeeze.
When we came home after dinner, i went to my room. I needed a little break from everything. I sat myself down at the bed, looking at the hills of Beverly Hills, the view was amazing. But i would rather be in Switzerland, in the arms of Seb. Without even knowing it tears were streaming down my face, i sobbed heavily.
I hated him for doing this to me, i didn't want to live without him. I didn't want to divorce him. I just want him the love me, hold me, telling me everything is going to be oke. But i know that things will never go back to how they were.
I was devastated, how was i going to live without Seb? I knew he didn't want things to happen like this. I knew he loved me, and he would do everything for me. But i couldn't forgive him for this, not at this moment at least.
With shaky hands i pushed the envelope in the mailbox. I signed the divorce papers this morning, and now they were on their way to Seb. I sighed, brushed away a tear and put my sunglasses on.
I decided to grab some lunch myself, when i sat down my phone started buzzing. 'Sebastian'
Should i pick up? i decided to let it go, if i heard his voice right now i absolutely knew i was instantly regretting my choice to sign the divorce papers.
My phone starts buzzing again. 'You've got 1 new voicemail" the text said. 'What can i get you miss?' i heard a voice, i looked up and saw the waiter looking at me. 'Can i have a raspberry smoothie with a ceaser salade please?' 'Of course, coming right up' he said, i nod and he walked away.
I heard that he was crying. He sounded tired, sad and devastated. But he did this himself. He was the only one to blame for this whole fucked up situation.