I woke up in the middle of the night, i turned to my left and looked at the alarm clock, 02:42 it said. I yawned and turned to my right, to discover Seb wasn't there. I got out of bed and put my bathrobe on. I walked out of the room and saw light coming out of Levi's room, silently i walked over and pushed the door open a little, there was Seb, sitting in the rocking chair, holding Levi while giving him his bottle.
'that was a big burb' Seb said looked at him and smiled. 'that was a long time ago hu buddy, since i gave you your bottle at night. normally mommy always does it. but i thought mommy needed some rest. she is doing a great job as a mom. but you need to let her sleep a little bud' he said to Levi. it made me smile, and also a bit emotional. 'now I'm gonna put you back in your bed, and we're all gonna sleep a little okay? you promise me that little one?' he stood up, kissed Levi's forehead and laid him in bed. 'i love you little one' he said before walking towards the door.
'hi' i said softly when Seb exited the room 'scheibe, Aiv' he said and looked at me with big eyes 'you scared me there' 'sorry' i said and laughed a little. 'how long did you stalk me?' he said while we walked back to the bedroom 'i didn't stalk you, i woke up, and you weren't there. so i started looking for you. finding you with Levi like that. it melted my heart' i said while hanging my bathrobe over the chair and then stepping back into the bed.
'well, you deserved a good night's sleep' Seb said and smiled at me. i shoved myself to his side, laying my head on his shoulder and my arm around his waist. 'thanks' i said and pressed a kiss against his chest. 'thank you' i looked up at him 'why?' i asked 'for doing an amazing job as a mom. Levi couldn't wish for a better mom' he told me while stroking my back, my eyes got teary and i just smiled at him 'he has the best dad ever, you are doing a great job Seb. and to be honest, i don't know how i will manage when you're gone, you leave in two days to Belgium, right after that you go to Italy, i won't see you for two weeks. how am i gonna do all this by myself?' i asked him.
'babe, you will do fine, don't worry about that' he kissed my temple and i just sighed 'tell me what's wrong?' he asked and looked at me, concerned. 'it's okay Seb, let's go back to sleep. Levi will wake up again soon' i said and he just nodded, i kissed his lips one more time before i lay myself in a comfortable position and soon i fell asleep again.
'so, tell me what's wrong Aiv?' Seb asked me, Levi was laying in the playpen that was outside, sleeping, again. i looked at him one more time before setting myself down next to Seb on the lounge sofa and sighed. 'i'm just, i don't know. i knew you would be away much, and I'm okay with that, i really am. but I'm just scared i think. i haven't been alone with him since his birth. what if i can't handle it?' i looked at him, i felt desperate. and before i know, i was crying.
'hey hey hey' Seb said and pulled me into his arms and let me cry for a while. 'you will do perfectly fine Aiv. you are doing everything perfectly fine, there isn't a thing that you can do wrong Aiv' he said and gave me a little smile 'and it's okay to be scared. don't you think i am scared? hell yeah I'm scared. about everything, but that's okay Aiv, we became parents for the first time, everything is new and scary. I'm questioning everything i do. do i hold him in the right way? isn't his bottle to warm? does he need a new diaper? everything Aiv. and it's completely normal and okay' he said and put both his hands on my face to make me look at him.
'you hear me, it's okay to be scared. but let's do this together, let's be scared together. we have to figure this out, everything about parenthood, but we do it together okay? together we are better' he said and then looked me deep in my eyes before giving me a soft kiss 'let's do it together' i said softly and smiled at him 'together, you and me. for Levi' 'for Levi' i said and kissed him again.
'hey little man, be nice to you're mama while I'm gone. I'm gonna miss you, but i will be back in like two weeks, then we can cuddle and play again okay? ich liebe dich kleiner mann' i heard him say and smiled to him. 'i will miss you Aiv, I'll be back before you know it, and you can always call me, and if i don't answer. call Britta. she will always pick up' 'i will Seb, i will be fine. you told me so. and i can always call my mom' 'i know you will be fine, i love you Aiv' he said, pressed a last kiss to Levi's forehead and then handed him over to me and then giving me a last kiss. 'i really need to go' he said after looking at his watch. 'you're always late Seb' i laughed 'yeah, but can't miss my plane now' he gave me a last kiss and then walked out the door.
'well, it's you and me now little man' i said to Levi and walked back to the living room. laying down on the couch with Levi on my chest. i watched him as he falls asleep, i could watch him for hours. Seb was right, i will be fine.