068 - Emma
I have all night to sober up and think about what happened, because I can’t seem to fall asleep.
After what seems like hours I hear Gabriel leave his room, making his way into the kitchen.
I need a shower, and I need it badly - my entire body reeks of sweat, smoke and booze.
Maybe a shower can also calm down my racing heart, or the incredible tension that has built up in my body ever since Lucien kissed me. Hell, ever since I realised I am in love with Lucien.
“Morning, Emma,” Gabriel sounds cheerful, catching me trying to sneak my way into the bathroom without him noticing.
“Oh, hi, Gabriel,” I feel awkward, not quite knowing what to do or say, looking down at my shirt - his shirt.
“Slept well?” he’s making breakfast, his glasses slightly foggy from the condensation.
“Could’ve been better..., “ I point at the bathroom door, “I need to shower.”
The last bit of intoxication washes off of me in the shower, leaving me fresh and awake, but also confused.
Was last night a mistake, a fluke fuelled by lust and drunkenness? Are we going to pretend it never happened, or is this the start of something... new?
What is it I want out of this, anyway? It’s not like it would be easy, starting things with Lucien, but after last night.... I can’t imagine never getting to do that again.
My hair is dripping as I step out of the shower, drying myself with a towel that smells just like Lucien.
It makes me want to curl up in his arms and just stay there until any form of responsibility comes our way.
It’s quiet in the kitchen, yet both men are sitting down. Gabriel is eating his breakfast, Lucien has laid his head down on the counter.
“Morning,” I go to pour myself a cup of coffee, not really looking anyone in the eye. Because I feel awkward, because I don’t quite know what to say, don’t know what’s going on between me and Lucien.
Especially when Gabriel greets me, and Lucien just groans.
Maybe he’s just hungover, tired and nauseous. This doesn’t have to mean a thing.
I’m sipping my coffee as I watch both men just sit there, not talk at all. I don’t know what to say either, so it’s just quiet.
Even when I gather my stuff, which isn’t a lot because I care here last night with just a purse and the clothes I was wearing, it’s silent.
Lucien almost seems like a zombie, hardly even alive.
Gabriel seems to feel the tension in the room and tells us he’s going out for a walk, leaving me in the living room with half alive Lucien.
He’s probably regretting this, which is why he’s hardly talking to me. I feel so, so dumb, so terribly dumb.
I thought he liked me, just as much as I have liked him for ages.
He’s just groaning, sighing, living through his hangover, hardly even making any eye contact or any kind of contact with me.
“I should go,” I mumble after a while, still feeling awkward and more and more insecure.
Have I shared too much, last night? Was he just looking for a quick shag with someone he has power over, like his employee? Was me sharing my actual feelings to him too much? Should I have just spread my legs and let it all happen? At least then I could have had the experience, been able to let all of these feelings go.
He turns his head my direction, still laying it down on the counter. “You have to?”
“Yeah....” I just sigh, grabbing hold of my bag, “I have a case to prepare, and... things to do...”
There’s no kissing when I leave, I just walk out, and I find myself shedding a tear on my way home.
I’m so dumb.
When I return to work on monday, Lucien isn’t there. Selene tells me he’s sick, some kind of virus, probably.
It frustrates me. If he’s actually sick, he could have told me. Now I just feel like he’s avoiding me, trying to figure out how to handle the things that happened.
I’m working on a new custody case, and want to update Lucien every time, but I don’t.
I don’t even e-mail him, insecure and hurt. With every day that passes, every day of him being ‘sick’, I feel my feelings become more and more intense but I also become more insecure.
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