Foto bij Chapter one

I woke up in bed, wide awake right about now, and that on a bloody Saturday morning. The morning dawn was peeking through the curtains.

What the actual fuck?

That really was the question. What the fuck happened last night? I looked beside me and a silhouette was laying next to me, breathing softly. Oh. Right. I then looked at the digital clock that was standing on the night stand. 6:11 AM. I looked at the girl again and softly got out of bed. Not wanting her to wake up. I never wanted them to wake up. That's why I always came with, to their place. Because if they stayed with me, they would declare their love for me. Wanting to stay, telling me, how happy they could make me. Bloody stupid. They didn't even know the real me. Hell, I didn't even know if I knew myself. I wasn't the bloody hot shot I was back then. I doubted if I ever could go back to my old life. I tried to gather my clothes and shoes, and stopped when I heard movement from the bed. Please, don't wake up. I glanced over and then sighed softly in relief when she . I tried to quickly put my clothes on. I felt my pockets, making sure I had everything. I grabbed my jacket and then quietly got out of the apartment. I rubbed my forehead and made my way down the stairs. Once down, I rubbed my forehead and walked outside. The door behind me shut harder then I anticipated. It made me jump a little. I took a deep breath, taking the fresh air in. Last night was a blur really.

I took the pack of cigarettes from my pocket and lit one. Taking a long hitch and closed my eyes for a moment. There was nothing better than a cigarette in the morning when you woke up early. Well, if you didn't include an orgasm. Or two. I tried to remember what happened yesterday. What the hell did TJ give me? I started to walk slowly, taking the environment in. For some way, I like the early mornings. If I didn't go out partying whole nights. It was quiet and relaxing. Not a lot of traffic, no people wandering around the streets. I smiled a bit and took another breath. Some things came back rushing from last night. A club, that blond girl, feeling ecstatic because of the pills TJ gave me. What ever they were. A lot of shots. Then ended up naked with that girl, letting her have it. Really have it. Not knowing what came over me. Pushing my hair back, I crossed the street. Coming back to my senses, I looked around again. Where the fuck was I? Litting another cigarette, I saw the club from a distance we were last night. Wasn't to far, from where I lived. I put my other hand in my pocket. Since everything went down hill, I met TJ. A real stoner. But for some reason, he became my best mate, when the rest had let me down like a bag of stones in a river. My family. My friends. My manager. Just everyone. TJ showed me a different world then celeb delicate. What ever would happen, I always could rely on him. I wasn't proud of myself, but this was my life now. Living in a two bedroom apartment, sharing it with a dude. Snorting, swallowing, drinking and fucking all night long. Working at a greasy garage, fixing cars, with a boss, who was a real dick. But I had to earn money somehow. Singing I didn't do very often anymore. When ever I came on stage, people were looking at me differently. Like I didn't belong on the stage. But they weren't wrong about that one. I didn't anymore. For the first in my 32 years, I really rocked bottom.

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