Foto bij 156 - Emma

"Do you think they'd still like me if we broke up?" I ask the question without hesitation, taking in all of the new details on his face.
His smile turns into a confused look, staring up at my face trying to find signs of any kind of emotion. "What's that coming from all of a sudden?"
"No reason," I shrug, going back to tracing tiny lines on his face. I could tell him about my conversation with my therapist, but that would mean opening up about even going to therapy, or how long I've been going, why I've been going, etcetera. A lot of things to explain, and even more for him to unpack. "Just a genuine question."
Lucien doesn't seem too pleased with that answer, but he doesn't fight me on it. "I don't doubt it'd be awkward, but I do think they would still see you as a friend, one way or another. If this is your way of telling me you're breaking up with me, I'm not too sure about that though."
I shake my head, softly moving my fingers across the gash in his lip. "I wouldn't dare. I've just been... thinking, about us."
Lucien studies me carefully. "Is that a good thing?"
Smiling, I nod. "I think so. Ever since the whole... baby thing, I've started realising things."
I roll from my side to my stomach, careful not to lean on Lucien.
"Care to share?" I've let my fingers disappear from his face but can't help but want to keep the physical contact going, so I'm tracing line on his arm. It's the least bruised body part I'm sure, and it's nice to not see traces of a fight on him for a bit.
"Well," I start, leaning my head against him for a bit. "First of all, I'm just really happy we get to be open about us, now, you know? But that also means that suddenly it's not our secret anymore, and everyone around us can voice their opinion on our relationship, or just want to see us fail. And..."
I feel Lucien reaching for my hand, which I accept happily.
"I guess I'm still slowly realising the fact that you're not Callum, and you're not in this relationship for it to fail," I take a peek at Lucien to see his reaction, but I can't tell much from his face. "But that I'm still scared to lose you, because you are the best thing that's happened to me."

We decide to go over to Gabriel's for dinner once again, and although Lucien refuses to actually let me buy dinner, he's willing to let me cook.
Gabriel, too, was hesitant, because those boys are too nice to me, but I assure both of them that this will make me feel better about what happened, also reminding Gabriel of how he acted when he wanted to make it up to us for the whole exposure thing.
Matthew is on the couch when we come in, watching a re-run of Friends.
He doesn't look as bad as I thought he would, at least not in the face.
I softly press a kiss to his cheek as he smiles at me.
"Don't give me that look, Emma," glancing at Lucien and Gabriel, "there's no need to feel guilty."
"No matter how many times you three are going to tell me that, you know I'll still feel guilty," I tell all three of them at once, "but I promise I'll try to keep the looks to a minimum."
Gabriel is putting the flowers I've bought the two of them on a vase as he tells Lucien how much him and I are alike when it comes to how we express guilt.
"You're dating a female version of your best friend," Matthew laughs, soon stopping because it hurts his ribs. "How cute."
      "So," I ask Gabriel in a soft voice as Lucien and Matthew are in the living room, discussing God knows what. "Are you ever going to tell him how you feel?"
Gabriel is cutting vegetables and looks at me questioningly, although I can tell he knows exactly what I'm talking about. "Hhhhmm?"
"Don't bullshit me, Brie. I know you were the one who got through to Lucien's stubborn ass, so now let me return the favour," I grin at him.
As an answer, he raises the tiny knife in my direction. "Don't you dare."
"What? You love him, and more than just as a friend. I can tell, because you look at him the exact same way I see Luce looking at me when he thinks I'm not paying attention," I hold up my spatula as a weapon to defend myself from him in case he plans to use the knife. "I'm not saying you should throw yourself at him, just that maybe, when all of this is over, you should... tell him. Because walking around with those feelings without being able to express them is going to hurt after a while, take that from an expert."
"What if he doesn't feel the same way?" he sighs, lowering his weapon, "I don't even know if he's into men."
"Well, there's just one way to find out," I shrug, "unless you'd like me to interrogate him over dinner."

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