323. - Lucien
“Hey everybody. I’m sure you’ve all heard them, so I figured I’d come and discuss these rumours with you.They’ve been floating around for a few days now, and you guys deserve a definitive answer.
“There’s no easy way of saying this, but: yes, Emma and I broke up. It’s been a few days and I needed to collect my thoughts for a little bit before saying this out loud. Honestly, my thoughts are still all fucked up and I think they’re going to stay that way for a while.
Before I get into this, I just want to say… Please don’t go and harrass Emma. Don’t go and harass Kenna, or Gabriel, or Matthew, or any other of our friends - mutual or not. I know that some of you will be very upset by this new, but please take in consideration that it’s much, much, much worse for us.
“I’m not going to tell you all the details, because honestly you don’t need to know, but it boils down to our lives just going different directions. As you all know, I've been working at a law firm for the past year. My initial contract was a year long, and halfway through I already started having doubts about extending it. The job was keeping me from doing things for my life as an influencer. I had to skip on events, on photoshoots, on opportunities that I would have loved to take, but now couldn't. It was also keeping me from interacting with you guys. I couldn't be as active as I wanted to be, I no longer had the time to put the creativity in as I did before.
“I tried to make it work. I started working less at the firm, so I could put more time into my online life. And for a while, it worked. But I was never really… happy in my work at the law firm. It had its good and even wonderful days, but there were other things. Things that I'll keep private. But ultimately, it ended in me not extending my contract. That means I no longer work at the law firm. The firm was the reason I came to Scotland in the first place. I've never really been able to… get used to this country. The change from Paris to Edinburgh was hard for me. The people were different, I had none of my usual things around, I had to reinvent everything I have and do. And the climate was just… a disaster. Honestly, the cold and the wetness were rough on me. The fact that spring didn't fully begin until we were well into May and that summer wasn't much different from spring just… I know that makes me sound dramatic or spoiled, but I just hated it. I know, I know, I have everything to make my life comfortable, but I was homesick for France. It was eating at me, and with my job at the firm done there was nothing binding me to Scotland.
"Nothing except Emma. But she knew that I didn't want to stay in Scotland, and she wasn't going to ask that of me. Just like I couldn't ask her to come to France with me. Because if I did that, I'd be asking her to do all the things that I found didn't work for me in Scotland. Not to mention that focusing full time on my influencer job - God, I hate that word, but it's the best way to describe it, I guess. But focusing on that means a very irregular life. Weekends or weeks where I might not come home, where we'll be in different time zones while she's working full time and I might be to, so no guarantee we'll be able to talk to each other that day. We both were busy when I worked at the firm, but the fact that we worked together aside, we'd almost always come home together. From the moment we started dating, we spent only a few nights apart. We liked it that way, and me quitting at the firm meant that was going to change.
“We talked. We talked a lot. About my decision, about our future, about what it might be like if we kept it going long distance, and if it would work. In the end we just kind of came to the conclusion that it… wouldn’t.
“I don’t really know what else to say. No one is to blame in this break-up and even if there was, it wouldn’t be Emma. I’d like to say we both fought hard to keep this relationship afloat, but I’m pretty sure she fought harder. But it doesn’t matter now. I could go more into detail on how we came to this conclusion, but I don’t want to. It doesn’t matter. None of it matters but the outcome, and I hate to say that that outcome is that Emma and I are no longer together.
“I'm probably going to be absent for a while as I try to figure things out. I’m hurting. I’m hurting bad. I’m back in France, trying to get settled back here while also dealing with this heartbreak. I hope you can all understand that, and respect that. And just… if you see me in public, please don’t come up to me if all you’re going to do is bring up Emma or the break-up. Please don’t comment if it’s only about how we should get back together, because we’re perfect for each other. And please, for the love of God, don’t link me fanfiction of us getting back together, because yes - I actually got that when I broke up with Liliana and it’s just… fucked up. We are both real people, who are both dealing with the pain this caused us. I don’t mean to sound snobby, but this is not some reality show for you to enjoy. The only reason I’m sharing this, is because we’ve taken you along in our relationship and now we… I am taking you along in the end of it.
“I loved her. I still love her, probably more than I ever loved myself. It just turns out that sometimes… love isn’t enough.
“I don’t really have anything else to say. Thank you all for your continuous support and… I’ll see you all when I feel better. I’m sorry I couldn’t give you better news. Bye.”
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