372 - Emma
There's no denying Jesse is jealous, maybe even feels threatened. It comes as no surprise he offers to spend a weekend with me in Edinburgh, in stead of in Glasgow.
I don't want to fight him on it, don't want to adress the elephant in the room, so on Friday evening he's on my doorstep with Kate.
It feels weird having the two of them around my house. It's just a little too small to house two adults, a growing child and a cat, but we try our best.
On Saturday, we make sure to go outside, as Jesse buys us lunch at a small restaurant that serves food that Kate will eat, which is very difficult considering she's a very picky eater.
It's still very cold out, but no one complains and we just chat about the upcoming few months as we sip our coffee and eat our sandwiches.
Ever since dinner with Selene, Charles and Lucien, I've been thinking about telling Jesse about Lucien's offer. An offer which surprised me to say the least, because I never expected he'd want to see me again, at least not voluntarily.
He almost ran from me at Gabriel's party and will hardly look at me, so it seems like a very big step to go for coffee together.
No matter how much I believe in honesty, I don't think I should tell Jesse. He's already been weird lately, ever since I told him I talked to Lucien.
No matter how much I tell him I have no feelings left for my ex, he still seems to retreat more and more.
He wants to be with me as much as he can, but still won't do much more than kiss me, and every time a subject gets brought up that even remotely mentions Lucien, he cuts it off immediately.
"Are you still up to head into town for a bit?" he asks, placing his cutlery on his now empty plate.
I've been picking at my food, my sandwich not even halfway finished, every piece of raw tomato professionally pushed to the side of my plate. Usually, I'd push them onto Lucien's plate and he'd eat them no questions asked, but Jesse laughed and called me a picky eater the first time I tried it, so I haven't done it since.
"Sure," I shrug. "I was thinking of treating myself to this book I read about."
"Another book?" He chuckles. "Don't you have tens of books still waiting for you to read them on your shelves?"
I can't help but feel let down by the total lack of excitement, the discouraging tone of his voice. Lucien loved when I would buy another book, no matter how many I still had to read at home. He'd laugh, kiss my temple and call me his bookworm.
"Yeah, I guess so," I sigh, crumpling my napkin.
"Besides, wouldn't it just be easier to finally get a library card? That way you won't have to spend twenty quid on a book every time," he steals a piece of cucumber off of Kate's plate, who's sipping on her orange juice.
"I like to own books," I shrug, "It's not so much about just reading them, it's about having them around, so you're always able to return to the pages if you want to." I probably shouldn't tell him I even own two copies of certain books, for sentimental reasons.
He chuckles and shakes his head. "I guess I'll just never understand some things about you..."
After three stores we've mostly entered to buy Kate things, I've exited the fourth one because I simply couldn't stand all of the screaming kids inside, telling Jesse I got an important phone call I really had to take.
I'd kill for a cigarette now, but I really shouldn't, because there's no way Jesse won't find out.
So I've just sat down on a little bench on the street corner, the sun hidden away behind one of many clouds in the sky.
Jesse has expertly avoided every single book store, so I'm probably ending this shopping spree empty handed.
I'm about to head back inside, getting a little cold and bored, when I see a familiar face across the street.
Before even thinking about it I put my hand up just as our eyes meet. Even from a distance I can see the tens of different facial expressions cross his face, eventually ending on a very neutral one as he crosses the street.
"Emma, hey," he's still smoking a cigarette, the small bit left in between his fingers circling smoke into the air.
"Hey," immediately I seem to forget how to act around him, as if we're complete strangers. As if we haven't shared every single thing for months. "I didn't think you'd still be here."
"Yeah," he pushes the cigarette bud against the bench, making sure it's no longer lit, then throwing it in the garbage. "Work things, I'm not too sure how much longer I'll be staying."
The smile on his face is enough to make me forget whatever it is I was about to say for a few seconds. "So are you still staying at Brie's?"
He nods, his hair slowly bouncing with him as he does so. "Until he gets sick and tired of me, I guess."
I doubt Brie could ever, but I can't tell him that.
"Maybe I could take you up on that offer sometime soon, then," I smile, my hands deep into my pockets. "Work starts on Monday, but I'm sure we could.."
"Emma!" The little girl running up to me interrupts my sentence and suddenly I feel like I'm in a super uncomfortable position, because I know how awkward this is going to be. "Daddy got me the doll I wanted!" She's carrying a shopping bag in her hands, the thing dangerously swinging back and forth as she runs. Just a few steps behind her, easily keeping up with her, is Jesse.
"How cool!" I smile, wishing I could disappear right about now.
She reaches where we're standing a few seconds before Jesse does, his face already full of suspicion.
"Jess," I look at him, trying not to give away how I feel right now, "this is Lucien, we ran into each other just now. Luce...ien, this is Jesse, and his daughter Kate."
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