495. - Lucien
"I'm aware that in the grand scheme of things, I am not a victim. I am not ashamed about the fact that I'm not straight. I don't regret what happened between me and this man. At the same time, I now have everybody asking me questions I don't know the answer to. I've never given my sexuality a name, because I didn't think I'd have to. But now people demand to know if I'm gay, or straight, or bisexual, or any other sexuality. They want to know if I have other experiences with men, and what they were like. I've been asked if I ever had sex with Emma or Liliana, or that it's all just faked for the outside world. Questions you wouldn't normally ask anyone. Questions I should have the right to refuse to answer. But for some reason, because I am A: a celebrity and B: now outed as 'not straight', people think I owe them an answer. They get mad when I refuse, which is absolutely absurd. I know that from the most of you I've gotten nothing but support, but the minority that keeps bombarding me with accusations and private questions has taken a toll on me. That's why comments on any of my socials have been limited. Later this week, I'm releasing a video with Gabriel that covers this in as much detail I'm comfortable with. In the end, I just... want life to go back to normal. It's probably not going to be the same, but it can go back to normal."
The story feels long and pretentious, just like everything that's been coming out of my mouth since the tea-video aired, but I post it anyway before putting my phone on silent again and returning to work. It's mostly just answering emails that Eailyn forwarded to me, some administration for work and on the apartment, and a few things for Matthew's company. With no one but Frank's loud meowing to distract me it all gets done relatively quickly. In the pile of emails there's maybe a handful of different LGBTQ+ charities that ask me to work them - and take Emma along if we'd like, and I happily agree. If anything, I'm glad this came from the whole debacle; it feels good to do something for others, even if it's as simple as playing a game of soccer with them. It rekindles my need to find something more substantial to do, though I still have no clue what exactly. It'll come in time.
By the time I'm actually all done it's past dinner time, and Emma has already texted me she's staying over at Kenna's since she hadn't heard from me yet. Attached is a picture of her and Emilia, both of them covered in what seems to be crushed up banana. A primal feeling in me suddenly screams at me that I need to have one, even though I wholeheartedly agree with Emma - if we're ever having kids, it's not going to be for a few more years. I'd rather get a dog first.
I text her back saying that she should take all the time she needs and that I can take care of myself, which I prove by cooking up a lovely vegetarian curry that I eat out on the balcony, accompanied by the cat and a darling glass of sparkling white wine. I've got my laptop out with the most recent season of the Great British Bake-Off, Mary Berry chattering away on the background as I enjoy the view laid out in front of me. It's been a while since I was home alone in a place that wasn't a hotel, and I must say it makes for a nice change. Dinner finished and the kitchen cleaned, I start looking into possible travel destinations. Emma's limits are reasonable, though the flight time is the biggest restriction. By the time I've finally figured out a way to fit everything together, most of my bottle of wine is gone and the sun has largely disappeared below the horizon. I've taken out a notebook to keep track of my ideas, my brain running a little wild now that I've had a fair share of alcohol, but I keep coming back to one. I just need to find a decent way to make it work.
"I'm home!" Her voice carries through the apartment, out onto the balcony.
"Outside!" I call back. Moments later she walks through the glass doors, a bright smile on her lips.
"Hey, babe." With a hand on my shoulder she leans down for a kiss. "How was your day?"
"Mostly uneventful." I reply, turning my attention back to my laptop as Emma pulls a chair in. "How was yours? Showered in any other fruits or veggies?"
"Oh, shut up." She chuckles, pulling her feet up on the seat and wrapping her arms around her legs. "I'm pretty sure I've still got banana stuck in my hair."
"Oh nooo, now you have to shower and walk through the apartment wrapped in your towel..." I tease with a pout, and she shoves my shoulder.
"So you can pull it off again, I bet."
"Of course, that's the best part. And then hoisting you up against the wall and doing that thing you like until your legs can't carry you." I grin as her cheeks turn pink, despite her attempt to look defiant. "Seriously though, how was your day?"
"It was great! It's been a while since Kenna and I had some time for the two of us together, with everything going on lately. Emilia is growing so fast, too, so it was nice to bond with her for a while. Kenna says we should have one of our own." She rolls her eyes with a smile. "I'm beginning to think I look pregnant, with all the baby talk."
"Emma, ma chèrie, I can assure you that you do not."
"Good. Because I don't plan to for a while." She gives me a stern look, like I'm going to disagree with her. I hold my hands up in innocence.
"I've got no plans to change that. I like how you look just fine."
She rolls her eyes again, and then leans in to see what I'm doing; I watch as her eyes scan over the many tabs I have open. "You have wild plans for us."
"Yeah, I figured we could just take the year off and do them all." I smirk. "Don't worry, I think I'm pretty set on what we're gonna do. But I'm keeping our options open in case I can't figure out the logistics."
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