My mum should be the first to know, I realise when I'm on the couch, still letting the realisatin set in.
Not just because in this situation there's nothing better than a mother's advice, also because her excitement would probably give us enough courage to tell everybody else.
Which is why we head over there first thing the next day. Lucien asks if we shouldn't call ahead, let my parents know we're coming, but I shrug it off.
She's working out in the yard when we pull up, her eyes narrowing to see who's come to visit because she's still too stubborn to get glasses.
"Emmeline! Lucien! What a nice surprise!" She wipes her dirt-covered hands on her pants.
I could lie and say we were in the neighborhood, but I can't manage to say a single word, just smile and nod.
"Come in, come in! I'll put the kettle on," she hugs me, then hugs Lucien. "God, if I'd known you two would be on my doorstep I would've bought those pastries from the bakery - are you hungry?"
"We're okay, tea's fine," I smile, my throat feeling a little less dry. Before now, it seemed so easy to share this news with my mother, but it suddenly feels like a massive mountain to climb. "Where's dad?"
"Out with Phoebe," she takes three mugs out of an upper cabinet and places them on the table. "Doctor's appointment. You've just missed them."
It's convenient, because my mother might be over the moon once she finds out, my dad will have more questions, I bet. He's more of a pessimist.
"So," she cheerfully says, sitting down opposite us as she pours the hot water in. "Show me."
Lucien's hand is on my thigh and I can feel it tense a little as I look at my mother confused. "Show you what?"
"Gosh, Emma, you look so nervous, so I'm assuming you have something big to tell me, or you wouldn't have come all this way to pay me a surprise visit. So, I'm assuming you have a ring to show me," she moves a platter full of cookies across the table, a big smile on her face.
"I... there's no ring," I mumble, clearing my throat.
"Then what's all this nervous behaviour about? I can't imagine much else you'd be this jittery for, except for the one thing I've promised not to ask about anymore," she winks. "So what is it?"
I know Lucien is leaving it to me to tell her, and though I had this entire speech prepared, now I don't know what to say anymore. "Well..."
My mother scans my face intensely, just like she used to do when I was a teenager and she accused me of lying about something or keeping secrets.
"You know, it's funny you say that," are the next words out of my mouth, feeling like I'm no longer in control of whatever I say. "Because, well.."
"Emma," my mother's face is void of emotion for just a second, until I spot all of it trickling back in. "Are you...?"
"I am," I manage to say, my voice breaking immediately.
My mother and I get off of our chairs almost simultaniously, and she wraps her arms around me. "Oh, Linie," her voice trembles and shakes as her hands rub my back. "Oh, my baby."
Her soft, slightly wrinkled hands wipe the tears off of my face as hers just keep on flowing.
"My goodness, Linie," she smiles, her hands shaking a little. "A baby! Oh, my angel. How wonderful, how absolutely wonderful."
Through my tears I manage to smile too. "Yes?"
"Oh, yes, my angel," she nods. "It's perfect, isn't it? I understand how terrifying it must be, but it's just wonderful. Oh, Lucien," she turns to Lucien, who's still in his chair. "How wonderful. Let me hug you, too."
I sink back into my chair, taking sips from my tea that now tastes slightly salty. As we're all sitting down again, my mother wraps her hands around her mug, blowing cold air onto it. "How long have you two known? How are you feeling?"
"Three days," I breathe. "Two for Luce. I... we weren't planning this, at all, so it's all still very surreal. I'm terrified, but it's slowly sinking in, I guess."
"And you, Lucien? Scared shitless?" She chuckles at her own use of words.
"Oh, absolutely," he confesses, which doesn't surprise me. Well, it surprises me that he admits to it, not that he actually feels that way.
"Totally normal and understandable," she smiles. "Believe me, Reg was in full panic mode for a good week when we found out I was pregnant with Louis, and we had been married for four years. You can never truly feel ready for this, you just feel less incompetent the more you do it," her eye falls on me. "And every time is different. I had two pregnancies before I had Emma, and even then I was terrified when I found out we were having a girl. It's scary, but you two have what it takes - love and patience. That's all you're going to need for now."
      On the ride home, my brain twists and turns for what feels like ages. We didn't get to tell my dad, but mum promised she'd keep it a secret from everyone until we did, so we made dinner plans for later in the week.
"One down," I sigh as we drive through kilometres of just fields on both sides. "Only.. many more to go. Dad, Charlie and Selene, Daniel, my grandparents probably. God, I'm terrified of that too, you know? They're quite old fashioned, but they'd better hear it from me than from one of my siblings, or they'll really disown me. Then Tom and Kenna, Matt, Eschieve, Beth, Brie, my girls..," and one more person, whose reaction weirdly enough scares me the most, yet I could equally care less about. "And your father. We should probably tell him face to face, or at least not over the phone, so maybe Selene can figure out when he's going to be in Edinburgh."

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