637. - Lucien
Neither of us has any motivation to move much further than from the balcony to the kitchen, and back again. There's a half-hearted attempt to find a reason we have to leave the apartment, but there simply isn't one. So we just… don't. Emma is reading a book on the balcony, her hair kept out of her face with a bun that's reminiscent of the ones she puts in after swimming in the ocean. I have taken out my laptop, knowing that despite me saying that besides videos I'm taking a break from any work, Eailyn will have sent me offers that I 'simply can't refuse' - even though she knows I will, unless it's an exceptional offer. There is just no way in hell that I'm leaving Emma for any sort of extended time any time soon.
As I have my laptop out, I also do my regular round of all my socials. Besides the announcement of the miscarriage, I have not posted anything and have avoided most of my accounts like the plague until a few weeks ago. Now, with Emma's post from earlier today there is a new wave of comments that express their condolences still, their concerns of us breaking up, the rumours that are getting crazier and more conspiracy like every day. It is both amusing and exhausting to scroll through.
"Would you be up for making a video?" I ask when I come across a multi-picture post that lays out the 'facts of Luciemma since the start of the year'. Emma looks up, eyebrows raised.
"I'm going to need more specifics before I give an answer to that, or I might end myself up on a porn site." She replies cooly without even looking up from her book, and I snort.
"To quote you from this morning: that view is for my eyes only. And even barely that."
"Are you still going on about me covering up?"
With a grin, I shrug. "Of course I am. If I had it my way, I'd get to stare at your naked body all day long. But either way, that's not what I meant. I meant about us. About things that have been going on, kill some of these rumours that have been floating around. I'm done with people making shit up." I show her another post that conspires us not only having broken up, but secretly already having two children that now need to navigate a broken family. "At this rate, you're going to have slept with my father and end up being my mother instead of my girlfriend."
She smacks her book close with a laugh. "You are older than me!"
"I don't make the rules, Em. The people online do."
It's set up within a couple of minutes. No fancy lights, no intricate camera rigs; just one camera on a tripod pointed at a sunny spot on our couch. Emma is already sitting in front of it, while I'm still making sure we'll both be in focus and everything is working as it should.
"So, Emma." I begin the moment I start recording, still adjusting settings. Emma perks up, not having expected having to start without me there; I can just see Frank escape her lap on the bottom of the frame. "Have we broken up?"
"No." She immediately replies, a smile curling her lips. It makes me smile too.
"Are you just saying that because we don't want the world to know?"
"No." She says again, still smiling at me.
"Did we go through a very, very rough patch after losing our child but did we in the end persevere together?"
Her gaze follows me as I finally finish setting everything up, and move to sit next to her. "Yes." She says, just when I move into frame.
"Are you just saying that because if you don't, I might still break up with me and you will lose access to my money?"
"Wait, people actually think that?" She turns to me, stunned, and I laugh.
"I'll take that as a no, then."
"Of course not, no!"
It takes us maybe thirty minutes to film the whole video. There's plenty of times where we mess up, where we lose ourselves in laughter over the ridiculous conspiracies that have been going around and even a minute where Emma desperately tries to coax Frank off of my shoulders and him absolutely refusing to come down, but there's also more serious moments where we both tread on the border of falling into our sadness - because ultimately even with us getting better, it is still a bitter and painful thing that happened to us. As I skim through the footage, I find myself wanting to upload it as is. It shows us how we truly are in this very moment, which feels important.
"I think that's an excellent idea." Emma agrees when I ask her about it. "Saves you the hassle of editing, too."
"Are you just trying to get me away from my laptop?" I inquire with a smile. She's got her arms crossed over my shoulders from the back, the side of her head resting gently against mine.
"So what if I am?"
"So nothing." I chuckle lightly. "I might just listen to you."
"What, is that another part of my birthday present? You suddenly listening to anything I say?"
I shift until I'm sideways on my chair, now able to properly face her. She peers down on me with that same gentle smile I've seen on her a lot today. It makes me feel like those first days of our relationship again, like we've just fallen in love. In a way, maybe, we have. We had to relearn how to love each other, how to look beyond the damage that was done to us. The Emma I am in love with now is a different Emma than six months ago, even just a month ago.
I am a different person than I was just twenty-four hours ago. With me and Emma finally having sex again, a wall that was much bigger than I thought it to be was finally knocked down. Did it instill this big a change in her? I'm scared to ask, I just want to savour the moment of us being much more okay than we have been in a long time.
"I need a shower." I say, disregarding her comment completely. "Willing to join?"
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