708 - Emma
Brie knows exactly what I need, letting me lay on his couch and wallow in self-pity listening to Maria Mena as he makes me lunch.
Frank has finally calmed down from exploring the appartment, and he's purring loudly as I'm petting him with shaking hands.
Making lunch obviously isn't going too well, the clattering and banging of plates and cutlery breaking Brie's complete silence every once in a while.
"I can't believe it!" He wanders in, shoulders tense, a plate with a mountain of sandwiches on it in his hands. "I can't believe him!"
At first, I was afraid that Brie would agree with Lucien, that I was exaggerating and seeing things, that I was being a total bitch who should apologise.
In stead, he just shook his head for what felt like hours, not saying a word.
"Of course he never noticed, he's blind as a bat, but... Jesus, his head is so far up his ass!" The plate gets slammed down on the coffee table, startling Frank awake. "You tell him you're uncomfortable, you're insecure, and sure, that's not entirely his fault, but it should be taken into consideration! In stead he does this and he's surprised when you're upset? That picture was at least PG-13! He's such a fucking hypocrite, too!"
He slams his body down on the couch next to me.
"Remember when I admitted to him that I had feelings for you? He couldn't even look at me, he was so mad! If I had acted only a percent like how Piper acts according to you, he would've had my head! He was about to kill me that New Year's Eve, if I take Matt's word for it! And now he just accepts all of this, because it's different? Because he doesn't realise?"
When he finally looks at me, a small smile forms around his lips when he notices the tears streaming down my cheeks once again.
"Oh, Em, I'm sorry, I...," he reaches out his hand, softly petting my hair as I'm still laying down. "This just makes me really mad."
"Me, too," I sigh. With every sigh, I feel like small slivers of my heart break off and float away into an abbyss. "Like... I told him I was jealous, I told him I didn't want to be but that I was, and that it was hard for me to see... her. And all he can think is that I don't trust him. Which I did, before he stopped caring about my feelings and let that bimbo...." I shake my head, agressively rubbing the tears out of my eyes. "No, I shouldn't blame her for this. It's not her fault she's into him, she just shouldn't have... acted like this, she..." I laugh a tearful laugh, my head fighting between being kind to everyone but also hating Piper's guts. "She's a fucking bitch. We were finally happy again, and then she came along! Who would've thought we could survive Jacques du Castellon, a law suit, a break-up, miscarriage, but not some university student driving a wedge between us?"
Rage keeps on coming in like waves, disappearing slowly then building up and crashing over me. Brie just nods, biting into his sandwich.
"I thought I was doing the right thing! I saw the way she looked at him, Brie, and the way she acted around him... The way he let her! All I wanted for him to know was that he could be honest with me, that we could get past this, even if it meant breaking my own heart temporarily to give in to what he needed. But he doesn't... he doesn't care, he just likes to see me as the bitch who distrusts him! Like the only thing he heard me say was that I knew he wanted to fuck her, in stead of that I loved him and that I would forgive him if it happened, if he needed to get it out of his system! That maybe it would.... I don't know, solve things?"
Brie tilts his head my way, blinking twice or three times before opening his mouth. "You told him to fuck her?"
"Not in those exact words...," I shrug. "Well, maybe later I did.. I told him that if he needed to explore their friendship further, to get it out of his system, that I would understand. That I just needed to know, that I wanted honesty from him, and that I'd forgive him no matter what, because he's the love of my life."
"You...," he shakes his head in disbelief. "That's a lot to take in."
"What else was I supposed to do? Tell him that I didn't want him to see her anymore, like Jesse did to me, probably only driving them closer together? Just accept defeat and watch her weave herself into his life more and more? There's still a lot of time left in university, they'd... she'd be around all the time, and I wouldn't know what happened when I wasn't there. I needed..."
"Hey, hey," he puts a hand on my arm to stop my rambling. "I understand why you did it, I'm just saying it's quite a heavy decision to make.. Accept that the man you love might have feelings for someone else, and tell him you'd be okay with him exploring them."
I sigh. "I'm just afraid it's over, Brie. That I've signed a death sentence on our relationship."
"I want to say I'm sure you'll work it out, Em," he tells me softly. "I really do, but... well, knowing Lucien's stubbornness, I'm not sure if that's the smart thing to say. All I know is that he's a total dick for this, and he'd be crazy to let you go over some bimbo he's only known for a few months, even if he's not into her. You're gorgeous, and funny, and smart, and one of the most loving people I know. You two are made for each other, and if he doesn't see that, I'll personally kill him with my bare hands. Now, let me give you a hug."
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